Eddie:
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

Eddie:
I've done a bit of Latin in my time... but I can control it.

Eddie:
Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal... one horse threw a shoe came in third... the duck was ninth... and five ran."

Eddie:
You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here' You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!'

Eddie:
D'you remember that famous fight, George Formby against Muhammad Ali? Ah, it was brilliant. Dyslexic promoter put it on.

Eddie:
Helloooo. Are you the people of Gaul? Wonderfull, well we are the Roman army, were the 15th legion, yes... I'm a centurion, toothbrush on the head.