Eddie Izzard: Unrepeatable 
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Eddie: What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?
Eddie: I have no problem with homophobia. As long as they do it behind closed doors.
Eddie: Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read.
Eddie: This is a 14th century Ming... thing. Made out of Ming by Mr. Ming during the Ming Period. If you don't like Ming, don't touch this one.
Eddie: I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash... it's much better.
Eddie: You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
Eddie: When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'
Eddie: Remove your pajamas from your body. Tie knows in the arms and the legs and the head and the everything. And then whip them over your head very fast and then inflate them to the size and consistency of a small speed boat
Eddie: I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.