David Walsh:
If America is the great melting pot, then L.A. public transportation is the gooey shit baked on the bottom.

David Walsh:
I've never been one to judge a book by its cover. Unless, of course, the cover of the book reads, "The Guy Sitting Next To Me Just Shit Himself".

David Walsh:
I love you. Believe me?

Jack:
Tell that fuckstick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick!

David Walsh:
I don't even know what that means.

Jack:
He'll know what it means!

David Walsh:
I just hope that my review shows that I've been slacking off, and this way I should be fired. That way, when I snap and threaten to kill the old fucker, I'll have a good reason. I'm just kidding.

Mr. Gartin:
You're fired.

David Walsh:
That means no bonus, no benefits...

Mr. Gartin:
No shit.

Kyle:
What's the matter, sunshine? Step in some shit?

David Walsh:
You're an asshole, Kyle.

Kyle:
Ya think?

David Walsh:
How do you sleep at night?

Kyle:
Usually naked. On one of the newer, younger employees.

David Walsh:
Oh. That explains the smile on Bob's face. Go easy on him, he's just a janitor.

Whisper:
Do you want a blowjob or something?

David Walsh:
No, I'm good. Thanks.

Whisper:
Do you wanna fuck?

David Walsh:
You know, that's really sweet, but, uh... I don't think it's a good idea.

Whisper:
You can jerk off on my tits if you want.

David Walsh:
You know, as much as I'd love to, I think I'm gonna pass.

David Walsh:
Whisper, do you have a boyfriend?

Whisper:
Yeah.

David Walsh:
What would you do if he was having sex with another girl?

Whisper:
Play with her tits?

Jack:
Betting money on terminal cases? Even Manson would call bullshit on this freak show! Get out of here! God!

Dorff:
Free country! Love it or leave it!

Jack:
They don't deserve the steam off your piss!

David Walsh:
Are you smoking crack?

Jack:
No, not... not right now.

Jack:
You ever watch figure skating, man?

David Walsh:
Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind.

Jack:
I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan...

David Walsh:
What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that.

Jack:
I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother.

Eric:
Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?

David Walsh:
Everything I am is an illusion.

David Walsh:
Tits on a taco, it's hot out there.

Eric:
Jack, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.

Jack:
Uh... Six.

Eric:
Oh, so close. It was "Go fuck yourself!"

David Walsh:
You just gave a dead woman's bracelet, To an eighteen year old stripper, Who's gonna fuck you in the parking lot, While you snort crank off a hunting knife.

Jack:
Your point is?

David Walsh:
Every day some faceless knob walks out in front of a bus and buys it. They call it fate, God's will. That particular John Doe spent his whole life eating his peas, studying his algebra, saving for his 401K, blah blah blah... All that to wind up a brown stain on a 10 ton city bus, to be remembered as the poor schmuck that got hit by a bus. God Kills true believers and kind souls everyday; and gets a free pass from the entire world; all because people think his murder and mayhem is part of some divine plan. Well, fuck that, I've got a divine plan and it's just as good as God's. Nobody has a first clue why God wastes people; but today everyone is gonna know why I did.