Ernest P. Worrell:
Vern? Vern? Looks like you need some mouth to mouth resignation.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Ya know, Vern, Cream O'Weber Highland sour cream is good on anything from potatoes to tacos, that it was inspired me to write this poem. I infectionatly call it "Sour Cream" by Ernest P. Worrell. Actually, it's by Cream O'Weber Highland, I just wrote the words. "Roses are red, violets are blue, sour cream is white, and comes in a tub."

Ernest P. Worrell:
Roses are red, violets are blue, sour cream is white and comes in a tub.

Ernest P. Worrell:
If you don't pitch in your part and I don't pitch in my part, these poor people won't have a part to pitch in.

Ernest P. Worrell:
You gotta give your fair share, Vern, because if you don't pitch in your part and I don't pitch in my part, these poor people won't have a part to pitch in.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Hey Vern, ya diggin' a hole? Why? Did you call the gas company first? Why not? Vern, if you don't call before you dig, you could hit a gas line and ruin a perfectly good afternoon, knowhutImean? No heat. No hot water. Ya can't cook and you're sure not gonna make any new friends down at the gas company, knowhutImean?

Ernest P. Worrell:
Vern, what's these dead minnows doin' on my pizza pie?

Ernest P. Worrell:
That freshly bewed Convient Coffee every morning get's me movin'. I'm movin'-movin'-movin'-movin'-movin'-...In my Convienient Cup. I'm movin'-movin'-movin'-movin'-movin'-movin'-...I think I'll have a donut.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Country Fresh Lite keeps ya livin' right, knowhutimean?

Ernest P. Worrell:
Boy, Vern, crime fightin' is a thankless job, but somebody's gotta do it. Knowhutimean?

Ernest P. Worrell:
Did you see her fix these hamburgers? She cooked'em just the way I like'em. She cooked them one at a time, all the fixings, none of them conveyer belts, no automatic burger machines, none of that factory stuff, it's just a real hamburger made by a real human being. What'll they think of next?

Ernest P. Worrell:
A real hamburger made by a real human being. What'll they think of next?

Ernest:
Vern, you're gonna save $53,000 on a $9,000 car! I don't know how them boys stay in business.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Happy Easter, Vern, I like to eat the eyes first.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Don't touch that dial, Vern. Don't touch it. Please, Vern. I'm trapped in this TV forever.