Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask 
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The Fool: My father! You who died in childbirth!
Victor Shakapopulis: I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing."
The Operator: Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?
The Operator: Think we're gonna have intercourse tonight?
The Queen: Kiss me quick!
The Fool: Yes!... where is your quick?
The Queen: Ah, 'tis the chastity belt that the jealous King hath fastened upon me that no one but he shalst have the goods of the body.
The Fool: Yeah, it's a pretty bad break for all of us at the Palace.
The Fool: Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.
The Fool: With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!
The Fool: Hi Milord! You remember when you said if I was ever in town, I should look up your wife?
Helen Lacey: You're insane!
Dr. Bernardo: That's what they called me at Masters and Johnson for creating a 400-foot diaphragm. Contraception for the entire nation at once!
Sperm #1: I'm not getting shot out of that thing. What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to end up on the ceiling.