Ash:
Thank you for shopping at Ass Woopings Are Us.

Ash:
When you've just emptied two barrels of a shotgun into the head of your favorite bartender it's a pretty good bet that happy hour's over.

Ash:
Groovy!

Ash:
There I was. Face-to-face with the mother of all ugly. So I say "Come get some", and BLAM, no more Mr. Nasty Face.

Ash:
Come get some.

Ash:
Hey, nice face. Let me fix it for you.

Ash:
Hey. I think I found a cure for ugly.

Ash:
To make a long story short, I was sent to Hell and back again. Then again. And again...

Ash:
I'm the disease and you're the cure. (Realizing what he said) I...

Ash:
You're probably wondering what a handsome devil like me is doing in a place like this with you, right?

Ash:
Ever read A Farewell to Arms? Well I wrote it.

Ash:
Well. Have you ever seen a little movie called "Deep Throat"?

Ash:
What can I say? I'm a man. It gets lonely being humanity's savoir again and again.

Ash:
Gesundheit

Ash:
Some people are born to use a chainsaw. Me. Well I got one attached to me.

Ash:
I think it's so cool when the parts go flying everywhere!

Ash:
I've secretly replaced this deadite's brain with a chainsaw blade! Shh! See if he notices.

Ash:
Make mine a double.

Ash:
There goes your bodily fluids!

Ash:
Kiss my boomstick!

Ash:
I'd like to buy a vowel. IIIIIIII-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Ash:
Now where did I put my ammo? Oh yeah! Inside yer skull!

Ash:
Some people are born to use a chainsaw, others have chainsaws thrust upon them.

Ash:
Crazy is as crazy does, Baby. Now give me some sugar.

Ash:
Tool time.

Ash:
Let's dance... I'll lead.

Ash:
Let's tango.

Ash:
It's just you, me, and the boomstick.

Ash:
Pull my finger. Not interested? Maybe if I help you find your arms first.

Ash:
One look at you and I know why some animals eat their young.

Ash:
Another poster child for birth control.

Ash:
Butt and Ugly decided to have a kid and guess what. You're the result.