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Armageddon Quotes (1998)
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Famous Armageddon Quotations
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Volume 12 in the classic Star Trek series on DVD begins with "Space Seed," which introduced Khan Noonien Singh (a viperlike Ricardo Montalban) to Trek lore. The trouble begins when Kirk & crew discovers a derelict ship and its crew of 70 supermen aboard, all in suspended animation. Led by Khan, these strange people turn out to be the product of genetic experimentation in the 1990s and instigators of a so-called Eugenics War, i.e., the Third World War on Earth often mentioned on various Trek programs. Though displaced from his more violent time and place, Khan quickly overcomes his disorientation and shifts into conqueror mode, quickly overtaking the Enterprise with the aid of a comely Federation historian who is swooning at his feet. As any Trek fan knows, "Space Seed" inspired Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, regarded by many as the best of the Trek feature films. "A Taste of Armageddon" is one of classic Trek's occasional, obvious metaphors for the absurdity of the then-cold war between East and West. Gene Lyons stars as a Federation ambassador named Fox, who boards the Enterprise to reach the planet Eminiar VII, where he hopes to negotiate a peace treaty with the inhabitants. Instead the crew of the Enterprise gets caught in the middle of an interplanetary war between Eminiar and neighboring planet Vendikar. The twist is that the war is being fought on computers, and compliant residents of those "destroyed" areas obediently report to disintegration chambers, where their "virtual" death is made literal. When the Enterprise is "hit" in one of these simulations, both the warlords of Eminiar VII and Ambassador Fox fully expect Capt. Kirk & crew to report to the disintegration center. The feisty Kirk has other plans, of course. And while the madness of this controlled armageddon makes a suitably surreal satire of the arms race in the 1960s, the story also evoked the endless, daily reports of body counts during the Vietnam war, with no resolution in sight. Aside from its parable aspect, however, the episode gave Kirk one of his earliest and most compelling scenes of Kirkian preachiness in a bold monologue about peace, reportedly written and rewritten numerous times by series producer and indispensable creative hand, Gene L. Coon. --Tom Keogh
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- A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars. »
- A.J.: If anybody's anybody, I'm Hans and you're Chewbacca.
Oscar: Chewy? Have you ever seen Star Wars? »
- A.J.: Oh man. Well, we all gotta die, right? I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world. »
- A.J.: This is great. We just happen to run into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid.
Lev Andropov: I told you, you took the wrong way, the wrong road.
A.J.: What? What road? Do you see any roads here? »
- A.J.: You know it's all funny until somebody gets shot in the leg. »
- A.J.: You know what I was thinking?
Grace Stamper: What?
A.J.: I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker.
Grace Stamper: Why?
A.J.: Well cause it's sweet, which to me suggests cookie, I mean well putting cheese on something is sort of a defining characteristic of what makes a cracker a cracker. I don't know why I thought of that, i just...
Grace Stamper: Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk. »
- Bear: So, did NASA find something growing on Uranus? »
- Chick: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking. »
- Chick: I just came here to drill.
Helga the Nurse: Oh! so did I. »
- Chick: I've never told anyone this before, but I hate flying. So it would be an awful shame to die now.
Rockhound: You think that's bad? I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.
Chick: Boy, that's bad. »
- Chick: Man, what are you doing with a gun in space? »
- Colonel William Sharp: Do you swear on your daughter's life, on my family's life, that you can hit that mark? »
- Colonel William Sharp: Get off... the nuclear... warhead. »
- Colonel William Sharp: Miss Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Airforce, ma'am. Requesting the permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met. »
- Colonel William Sharp: My God, he's got... space dementia. »
- Colonel William Sharp: Talk about the wrong stuff. »
- Colonel William Sharp: United States astronauts train for years. You have twelve days. »
- Dr. Banks: One toxicology screen showed traces of ketamin. That is a very powerful sedative.
Harry Stamper: Sedatives are often used, Doctor.
Dr. Banks: Well this one's used on horses! »
- F.B.I. Agent: Sir, we have a national security matter.
Rockhound: Good for you. »
- General Kimsey: The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun. »
- Grace Stamper: Baby, do you think its possible that there's someone doing this very same thing at this very same time?
A.J.: I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save? »
- Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me to Tai-Pei for Tampax. Then he had to show me how to use them.
Rockhound: I told her how to use them. I didn't show her, Harry. »
- Grace Stamper: I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you. »
- Grace Stamper: Listen, Harry, A.J. is my choice - my choice and not yours.
Harry Stamper: He's the only one in your age bracket, Grace. That's not a choice, that's a lack of options. »
- Grace Stamper: Well, I lied to you too... when I said I didn't want to be like you, because I am like you. Everything good in me I have from you. »
- Harry Stamper: AJ, I have only five words for you: Damn glad to see you boy!
A.J.: That's six words. »
- Harry Stamper: Come on, God, just a little help. It's all I'm asking.
Max: I think we're close enough, He might have heard ya. »
- Harry Stamper: Houson, you have a problem. You see, I promised my little girl that I was coming home. Now I don't know WHAT you people are doing down there, but we've got a hole to dig up here! »
- Harry Stamper: How long've you worked for me?
A.J.: Five - wonderful - years.
Harry Stamper: In five years you have never apologized to me this quickly. Something's going on here, I'm gonna find out what it is. »
- Harry Stamper: I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna take a foot off of him. A man can work with one foot. »
- Harry Stamper: Quincy! Somebody tell me what this is. Plastic ice cream scoop? What'd that cost? About $400. »
- Harry Stamper: The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?
Chick: 20 years, I've never turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there. »
- Harry Stamper: We win, Gracie. »
- Harry Stamper: What's your contingency plan?
Truman: Contingency plan?
Harry Stamper: Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?
Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan, this is, uh...
Harry Stamper: And this is the best that you c - that the government, the *U.S. government* could come up with? I mean, you're NASA for crying out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You're the guys that're thinking shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?
Truman: Yeah. »
- Karl: Hey honey? Get my phone book, get those names of those guys from NASA.
Dottie: Excuse me? Am I wearing a sign that says "Karl's slave" anywhere?
Karl: Go get my goddamn phone book! Get the book! Get the book! Get the book! »
- Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person who finds her gets to name her right?
Dan: Yes, yes that's right, that's right.
Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape. »
- Lev Andropov: Don't touch my uncle! He is the genius of my family. He used to make the tip of the bomb, you know? That finds New York or Washington? »
- Lev Andropov: I'm a real Russian hero. »
- Lev Andropov: I'm stepping outside.
A.J.: You're, you're going outside?
Lev Andropov: I am the ONLY certified astronaut here. I am saving your American a**! »
- Lev Andropov: This is how we fix things on Russian space station! »
- Lev Andropov: You know what, I do not have much pleasure being near God's ear, but you think this is looking good or what?
A.J.: Lev, why don't you do humanity a favour and just shut the hell up? »
- Max: God, it sucks up here. »
- Max: Something's wrong.
Rockhound: Yeah man, it's ALL wrong. We shouldn't even be up here. »
- Max: Who's that for? Mr. Ed? You stick that thing in me, I'm going to stab you in the heart with it. You ever see Pulp Fiction? »
- Narrator: This is the Earth, at a time when the dinosaurs ruled a lush and fertile planet.
Narrator: A piece of rock just 6 miles wide changed all that.
Narrator: It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. A trillion tons of rock and dust were thrown into the atmosphere, creating a cloud the sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years. It happened before. It will happen again. It's just a question of when. »
- Oscar: I tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band.
Dr. Banks: Who's Jethro Tull? »
- Oscar: I'm great, I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out.
Oscar: Can you make mine really tight, cos I don't wanna fall out. I mean, almost to the point of cutting off circulation. »
- Oscar: Ok, Mr. Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?
Truman: 200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that.
Oscar: Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable. »
- Oscar: This is deep blue hero stuff. »
- Oscar: This is space! See this is just the beginning part of space, we haven't even got to *outer* space yet! »
- President: I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as a leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day 'armageddon' - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us tonight need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into space; all of our combined technologies and imaginations; even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrong and the discord; through all of the pain and he suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you. »
- President: We didn't see this thing coming?
Dan: Well, our object collison budget's about a million dollars. That allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg'n your pardon sir, but it's a big-ass sky. »
- Rockhound: "Wow. This is a god dam Greek tragedy." »
- Rockhound: God, I hate knowing everything. »
- Rockhound: Guess what guys, it's time to embrace the horror! Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth! »
- Rockhound: Harry! I swear to God man, she never told me her age.
Harry Stamper: It's alright, relax. It's about me.
Rockhound: Oh.
Rockhound: Forget it! »
- Rockhound: Harry, this is illegal man
Harry Stamper: I'm temporarily insane, Rock, it's all right. »
- Rockhound: I don't want to be the materialistic weasel here, but do you think we'll get hazard pay for this? »
- Rockhound: Okay, Cyclops Lady is starting to bug me. »
- Rockhound: This is so much fun, it's freaky! »
- Rockhound: Well it's about time, I haven't thrown up in about an hour. »
- Rockhound: What's wrong?
Colonel William Sharp: We've got a busted ship.
Rockhound: A BUSTED SHIP? And I'm strapped in this chair? I had a good spot picked out there! »
- Rockhound: Woman with large breasts... woman with medium breasts...
Rockhound: This one looks like you... *with* breasts. »
- Rockhound: Wow. Got a great view of the Earth from here. Too bad we'll never set foot on her again. »
- Rockhound: You are SO messin' with national security right now, man! You are FIRED tomorrow morning, I'm tellin' ya! I'll get the CIA and the FBI, you'll be workin' security at Toys R' Us! »
- Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it? »
- Rockhound: You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok? »
- Ronald Quincy: I know the presidents' chief advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don't want to take advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics. The presidents' advisors are wrong. I am right. »
- Truman: This is one order you shouldn't follow and you fucking know it. »
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