How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog 
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Larry: You're lucky. You got Melanie. There are men who'd die for her.
Larry: Still having trouble satiating, are we?
Larry: Say four holy Fuck You's and keep drinking.
Larry: What time is it?
Victoria: You're an alcoholic.
Adam: Alcoholics have class. I'm a fucking drunk.
Debra Salhany: So is that why you decided to call your first novel How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?
Debra Salhany: ...but, uh, what if somebody reads this and goes out and kills their neighbor's dog?
Debra Salhany: So, how did you meet your wife?
Debra Salhany: So, you employed the casting couch?
Melanie McGowan: Other houses have M&M's, we stock up with Smarties. It's like living at the duty free-shop at Heathrow.
Adam: They say women are the sensitive ones, but I've never seen it. They're as cold as party ice.
Victoria: I don't think that sucking on countless nipples makes one an authority on sensitivity.
Edna: You look just like my son-in-law.
Edna: My son-in-law's name is Peter.
Edna: You just said your name was Edna... Edna's a funny name for a man. Been teased over the years?
Laura Leeton: If the 405 is your morning route, I hope you don't have a history of showing up late to work, 'cause today you're fired.
Melanie McGowan: You know, you're going to have to cut that out when the baby comes.
Melanie McGowan: Maybe you should see a therapist about your anxiety.
Melanie McGowan: Oh, I don't think you ever have to worry about an over-abundance of happiness, dear.
Debra Salhany: Thanks for sticking around, Peter.