How to Live with a Vegan Without Killing Them 
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Erik: So, what the hell happened?
Scott: She found my secret stash.
Erik: Of porn?
Scott: Oh, Lord no! Of meat, you retard.
Erik: If this ashtray were the cloud that led to the big bang, then this pretzel would be Stephen Hawking.
Erik: You need to call her right now. Bang her one last time, but then call her and kick her ass to the curb.