Erik:
So, what the hell happened?

Scott:
She found my secret stash.

Erik:
Of porn?

Scott:
Oh, Lord no! Of meat, you retard.

Erik:
If this ashtray were the cloud that led to the big bang, then this pretzel would be Stephen Hawking.

Erik:
You need to call her right now. Bang her one last time, but then call her and kick her ass to the curb.