Jake Speed

Pop:
There are a few, a very few men. Remo. Mack Bolan. Jake Speed. In this case, I think Jake Speed's the man for the job.

Pop:
They defeat evil where it exists, pinhead!

Wendy:
Maybe it's a blessing. At least your grandfather believes in somebody. Speedy Jake. Remero. Whatever. Who are our heroes?

Margaret Winston:
Nobody.

Desmond Floyd:
Why doesn't she believe in us? We believe. That's why we win.

Jake Speed:
If all this were about money, I'd be working for the wrong side most of the time.

Jake Speed:
I'm the last of the original nice guys!

Margaret Winston:
I didn't know you had that!

Jake Speed:
That's why they call it a concealed weapon.

Margaret Winston:
So, where did you and Des meet?

Jake Speed:
Volume One.

Jake Speed:
Sometimes you do things the hard way.

Margaret Winston:
Why?

Jake Speed:
Reads better.

Margaret Winston:
Who is Reno Mellon?

Jake Speed:
We made it up!

Desmond Floyd:
It's Jake's favorite town and my favorite breakfast food.

Margaret Winston:
What if you sold me to the wrong Gus?

Jake Speed:
That would make a piss-poor story, wouldn't it?

Jake Speed:
Oh yeah, we go way back. Back to Volume Two.

Jake Speed:
Come on, we need a big finish!

Margaret Winston:
If you're such a big deal, why haven't they ever made a movie?

Jake Speed:
Ever try to deal with those people?

Jake Speed:
Heroes don't die.

Sid:
Being the good guy's so predictable. You do everything right!

Sid:
I'm the bad guy, Jake. I do anything I want.

Sid:
I take great pride into 'aving never lived up to anything!

Maurice:
This'll rot your caviar!

Sid:
You're a Boy Scout, Jake!

Jake Speed:
REFRESHING! Isn't it?

Jake Speed:
Evil may triumph, Sid, but it'll never conquer.

Jake Speed:
If you want something bad enough, you get it!

Jake Speed:
We were gonna fight our way through enemy territory. Scale the highest mountain in this goddamned place. Traverse a bridge that was about to collapse. And then if we were lucky, I mean really lucky, we were gonna fight our way through two thousand extremely poisonous snakes.

Margaret Winston:
There are thousands of snakes around here?

Jake Speed:
There's gotta be if you look hard enough!

Margaret Winston:
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be an easier way?

Jake Speed:
Yeah, so where's the entertainment value in that?

Jake Speed:
Why do you think bad things happen? So you have something good to look forward to! If everything was same-o, same-o, you'd die of boredom!

Jake Speed:
Don't worry. When you're right, nothing can happen to you.

Wendy:
Isn't that the guy your grandfather was talking about, the guy from the comic books?

Desmond Floyd:
Paperback novels!

Wendy:
Even weirdos can read!

Sid:
Make sure Ali Baba gets his babes. I've got a reputation to protect.