Jerry Maguire

Jerry Maguire:
I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?

Dicky Fox:
The key to this business is personal relationships.

Jerry Maguire:
I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.

Bob Sugar:
It's not "show friends." It's show *business*.

Jerry Maguire:
I lost the number one draft pick the night before the draft!

Rod Tidwell:
Well, boo-f***ing-hoo.

Laurel:
Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Dorothy:
Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.

Dorothy:
On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

Rod Tidwell:
I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. Sh*t, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?

Rod Tidwell:
Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

Jerry Maguire:
I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

Tyson Tidwell:
That's my mo-fo.

Jerry Maguire:
I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Laurel:
You f*** this up, I'll kill you!

Jerry Maguire:
I'm glad we had this talk.

Rod Tidwell:
You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

Ethan:
Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.

Jerry Maguire:
I'm not trying to make history here.

Jerry Maguire:
That's great. I'm very... happy.

Rod Tidwell:
That's what I'm gonna do for you. God bless you, Jerry. Now this is what you're gonna do for me. You listening?

Jerry Maguire:
Yeah, yeah, what can I do for YOU, Rod?

Rod Tidwell:
It's a very personal, very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Now are you ready? Just checking to make sure you're ready (Rod turns his boom box real low) here it is - show me the money. (He now blasts the boom box at full level) OHHH! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! Doesn't it make you feel good just to say that, Jerry? Say it with me one time brother!

Jerry Maguire:
...Show you the money.

Rod Tidwell:
Oh, come on, you can do better than that! I want you to say it brother with meaning! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line I better hear you say it!

Jerry Maguire:
Yeah, ye - no, show you the money!

Rod Tidwell:
AH! Not show YOU! Show ME the money!

Jerry Maguire:
Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell:
Yeah, that's it brother but you got to yell that sh*t!

Jerry Maguire:
Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell:
Louder!

Jerry Maguire:
Show me the money!

Laurel:
I'm incapable of small talk.

Jerry Maguire:
How's your head?

Rod Tidwell:
Bubblicious.

Avery Bishop:
If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I'd do it. It's not something I'm interested in. Once, yeah, it seemed normal, but it was just a phase, a college thing, like torn Levi's or law school for you. Would you like something from the kitchen? I'm gonna get some fruit.

Copy store clerk:
That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!

Ray:
D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?

Jerry Maguire:
Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?

Ray:
D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?

Jerry Maguire:
Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?

Ray:
D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?

Jerry Maguire:
I... I can't compete with that!

Avery Bishop:
There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies, I don't gush over babies, I don't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and I DON'T tell the guy who just ruined both our lives, "Oh, poor baby." But I do love you.

Jerry Maguire:
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

Avery Bishop:
There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.

Jerry Maguire:
I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.

Avery Bishop:
Well, it worked.

Laurel:
I heard.

Dorothy:
No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes under the kitchen door.

Laurel:
Dorothy, this guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest.

Dorothy:
I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.

Dorothy:
I just want to be inspired.

Dorothy:
He's coming over.

Laurel:
Tonight?

Dorothy:
He just lost his best client. I invited the guy over.

Laurel:
Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom wrong. "Dear God, don't let me be alone or I call my newly long suffering assistent without medical for company settlement." If now all you still want is him to come over, I'm not saying anything.

Dorothy:
Honey, he's engaged.

Rod Tidwell:
Who's your motherf***er?

Jerry Maguire:
You're my motherf***er!

Dorothy:
I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.

Dorothy:
Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work.

Dicky Fox:
If this

Dicky Fox:
is empty, this

Dicky Fox:
doesn't matter.

Jerry Maguire:
Do you want this jacket? I don't need it. I'm cloaked in failure!

Jerry Maguire:
Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

Jerry Maguire:
The f***in zoo is closed, Ray.

Ray:
You said f***.

Jerry Maguire:
Uh... yeah... I...

Ray:
Don't worry. I won't tell.

Jerry Maguire:
What do you want from me? My soul?

Dorothy:
Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry Maguire:
This is going to change everything.

Dorothy:
Promise?

Jerry Maguire:
I won't let you get rid of me.

Jerry Maguire:
I love you. You... complete me.

Dorothy:
Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello."

Dorothy:
I have this great guy. And he loves my son. And he sure does like me a lot.

Rod Tidwell:
Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire:
Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire:
That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.

Ray:
What's wrong, Mommy?

Dorothy:
First class, that's what's wrong. It used to be a better meal, now it's a better life.

Dicky Fox:
Hey... I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success.

Jerry Maguire:
But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who's coming with me besides..."Flipper" here?

Jerry Maguire:
I'll go back to them.

Marcee Tidwell:
And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass"?

Marcee Tidwell:
I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant here.

Dorothy:
I was inspired, and I'm an accountant.

Jerry Maguire:
We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You... complete me.

Rod Tidwell:
I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.

Jerry Maguire:
I didn't shoplift the pootie.

Jerry Maguire:
All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

Dorothy:
I'm sorry, I'm just not as good at the insults as she is.

Marcee Tidwell:
No, that was pretty good.

Rod Tidwell:
No sh*t.

Jerry Maguire:
I hated myself... no, I hated my place in the world.

Avery Bishop:
Don't ever stop f***ing me!

Rod Tidwell:
Jerry Maguire... How'm I doing? I'm sweating dude! I'm sweatin' my contract! I'm sweating Bob Sugar calling me, telling me I'm missing the big endorsements by being with you! THAT'S how I'm doing - I'm sweating dude!

Rod Tidwell:
I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!

Jerry Maguire:
Rod...

Rod Tidwell:
I'm from Arizona Jerry! I broke Arizona records! I went to Arizona State! I'm a Sun Devil, man!

Jerry Maguire:
And now you want Arizona dollars?

Rod Tidwell:
Exaaaacctly!

Jerry Maguire:
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!

Rod Tidwell:
Ya know! Ya know! We're together on this one! Ya know! Ya know!

Jerry Maguire:
Oh my god.

Jerry Maguire:
Rod, think about back when you were a little kid. It wasn't about the money, was it? Was it?

Jerry Maguire:
Was it?

Jerry Maguire:
Help me... help you. Help me, help you.

Rod Tidwell:
Thanks for coming.

Jerry Maguire:
I missed ya. What can I say? You're all I've got.

Jerry Maguire:
I wonder what he just said.

Dorothy:
My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said "You complete me".

Avery Bishop:
You are Jerry Ma-f***en-guire!

Jerry Maguire:
I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.

Rod Tidwell:
Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter... I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... quan, and you are talking.

Avery:
[while having sex] Don't ever stop f***ing me!

Jerry:
Sooner or later, we'll have to stop.

Avery:
Never been better. Never better! Never better! Open your eyes. If you ever want me to be with another woman with you, I would do it. I'm not interested in it. There was a time, yes, it felt normal for me. But it was a phase. A college thing. Like torn Levis or law school for you.

Rod:
Now to recap, I want to stay in Arizona. I want my new contract. I like you, you're nice to my wife.

Jerry:
That's that's great. I'm really... happy.

Rod:
Are you listenin'?

Jerry:
Yes!

Rod:
This is what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Jerry. But this is what you gonna do for me, Jerry?

Jerry:
Yeah, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?

Rod:
It's something very personal, a very important thing. Hell! It's a family motto. Are you ready Jerry? I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Show! Me! The! Money! Jerry, it is such a pleasure to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.

Jerry:
Show you the money.

Rod:
No, no. You can do better than that! I want you to say it brother with meaning! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line I bet you he can say it!

Jerry:
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.

Rod:
No! Not show you! Show me the money!

Jerry:
Show me the money!

Rod:
Yeah! Louder!

Jerry:
Show me the money!

Rod:
I need to feel you Jerry!

Jerry:
Show me the money! Show me the money!

Rod:
I love black people.

Jerry:
I love black people!

Rod:
Who's your motherf***er, Jerry?

Jerry:
You're my motherf***er! Show me the money!

Rod:
Uh! Congratulations, you're still my agent.

Jerry:
Well, don't worry. Don't worry. I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is just flip out! But let me just, let me just say, as I ease out of the office I helped build - I'm sorry, but it's a fact! - that there is such a thing as manners, a way of treating people. [pointing to an aquarium in the office] These fish have manners. These fish have manners. In fact, they're coming with me. I'm starting a new company, and the fish will come with me. You can call me sentimental. The fish - they're coming with me. [nets one of the gold fishes and places it inside a baggie] Okay. If anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the moment of something real and fun and inspiring in this God-forsaken business, and we will do it together. Who's comin' with me? Who's coming with me? Who's coming with me besides 'Flipper' here? This is embarrassing.

Dorothy:
[stands] I will go with you. [whispers to Jerry] Right now?

Jerry:
I started talking with Dennis Wilburn about your renegotiation.

Rod:
Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Cris Carter... I smoke all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... kwan, and you are talking.

Jerry:
Kwan. That's your word?

Rod:
Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The whole package. The kwan.

Jerry:
Great word. Tao?

Rod:
No, I air-dry.

Jerry:
Rod, I say this with great respect, but those players you mentioned are marquee players...

Rod:
Marquee?!?

Jerry:
Here's what I'm saying. This is a renegotiation. We want more from them, so let's show them more from us. Let's show them your pure joy of the game, let's bury the attitude a little, let's show them --

Rod:
You're telling me to dance.

Jerry:
No, I'm saying to be --

Rod:
"Love me love me love me... put me on t.v." That's the iconography of racism, man!

Jerry:
Rod, I'm not a racist. I'm telling you to be the best version of you, to get back to the guy who first started playing this game. Way back when you were a kid. It wasn't just about the money, was it?...Was it?

Rod:
Do your job, man, don't tell me to dance.

Jerry:
Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Rod:
I'm an athlete, not an entertainer. These are the ABC's of ME. Get it? I do not dance. Breathe! Breathe, Jerry.

Jerry:
I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, okay?! God. Help me! Help me, Rod. Help me help you. Help me help you. Help me help you. I'm sorry.

Rod:
You are hanging on by a very thin thread. And I dig that about you! No contract? I'll help me, I'll help you, help everybody! That's my man.

Jerry:
Hey, I'm happy to entertain you.

Rod:
Help me! Help me!

Jerry:
See you in Los Angeles.

Rod:
Jerry. Come on, man. See, that's the difference between us. You think we're fighting. I think we're talking. Unless you love everybody, you can't sell anybody.

Dorothy:
Maybe I am taking advantage. Am I a bad person? All I know is that I found someone who was charming and popular and not-so-nice to me -- and he died. Okay? So why should I let this guy go, when everything in my body says this one is the one.

Laurel:
Easy, hon, I was just looking for fun details --

Dorothy:
Oh, well, why didn't you say so? And oh, I don't know if you're interested in this detail, but I was just about to tell you that I love him. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is. I love him.

[Looking over an inadequate contract offer]

Jerry:
I'll go back to them.

Marcee:
And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass"?! I'm sorry. I'm just a little pregnant right now.

Jerry:
Can I ask you a question totally unrelated to your career?

Rod:
Oh, we gonna be friends now?

Jerry:
What do you know about dating a single mother?

Rod:
Oh I know plenty. I was raised by a single mother.

Jerry:
Tell me, because it's been a month, and she's about to take another job in San Diego.

Rod:
First, single mothers don't "date." They have been to the circus, you know what I'm saying? They have been to the puppet show and they have seen the strings. You love her?

Jerry:
How do I know?

Rod:
You know when you know. It makes you shiver, it eats at your insides. You know?

Jerry:
No, I don't know.

Rod:
Then you gotta have The Talk.

Jerry:
But I sure don't like that she's leaving.

Rod:
Well, that ain't fair to her. A single mother, that's a sacred thing, man.

Jerry:
The kid is amazing.

Rod:
No. A real man does not shoplift the pootie from a single mom.

Jerry:
I didn't "shoplift the pootie." We were thrown together and -- I mean it's two mutual people who -- Alright, I shoplifted the pootie.

Rod:
Shame on you. Shame on you.

Jerry:
I have a question for you, Rod: are we really friends?

Rod:
Why not?

Jerry:
I mean, because, friends can tell each other anything if we have our "friends" hats on, right?

Rod:
I think so.

Jerry:
All right. I'll tell you why you don't have your $10 million yet. Right now, you are a paycheck player. You play with your head, not your heart. In your personal life, heart. But when you get on the field, it's all about what you didn't get, who's to blame, who under threw the pass, who's got the contract you don't, who's not giving you your love. And you know what? That is not what inspires people. That is not what inspires people. Just shut up and play the game. Play it from your heart, and you know what? I will show you the quan. And that's the truth, man! That's the truth. Can you handle it? It's just a question between friends, you know? Oh, and when they call you "shrimp", I'm the one who defends you!

Rod:
I don't want to be friends no more.

Jerry:
Fine.

Rod:
And quit using that word, "quan", that's my word!

Jerry:
I'll see you in L.A.

Rod:
No heart... no heart? I'M ALL HEART, MOTHERF***ER!

Dorothy:
I took advantage of you and worst of all, I'm not alone. I did this with a kid. I was just on some ride where I thought I was in 1ove enough for both of us. I did this. And at least I can do something about it now.

Jerry:
Well -- I'm not the guy who's going to run. I stick.

Dorothy:
I don't need you to "stick."

Jerry:
What do you want from me? My soul?

Dorothy:
Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry:
What if I'm just not built that way?

Dorothy:
I think we made a mistake here.

Jerry:
What if it's true? "Great at friendship bad at intimacy." I mean, come on. It's the theme of my bachelor party film --

Dorothy:
I know. I watched it. I sort of know it by heart.

Jerry:
I don't like to give up.

Dorothy:
Oh please. My need to make the best of things, and your need to be what, "responsible"... if one of us doesn't say something now we might lose ten years being polite about it. Why don't we call this next road trip what it is. A nice long break.

Jerry:
What about Ray?

Dorothy:
There's no question you'll be friends. Of course you'll be friends.

Jerry:
So this break... is a break-up.

Dorothy:
Come on, Jerry. You know this isn't easy for me. I mean, on the surface, you'd almost think everything was fine. See, I've got this great guy who loves my kid -- and he sure does like me a lot. I can't live that way. It's not the way I'm built.

Jerry:
Hello. I'm looking for my wife. Alright. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I'm not letting you get rid of me. How about that? This used to be my specialty. I was good in a living room. Send me in there, I'll do it alone. And now I just... I don't know...but our little company had a good night tonight. A really big night. But it wasn't complete, it wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn't share it with you. I couldn't hear your voice, or laugh about it with you. I missed my wife. We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors, I love you. You complete me. And I just—

Dorothy:
Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at hello.

Jerry Maguire:
Who had I become? Just another shark in a suit? Two days later at our corporate conference in Miami, a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough. I couldn't escape one simple thought: I hated myself. No, no, no, here's what it was: I hated my place in the world. I had so much to say and no one to listen. And then it happened. It was the oddest, most unexpected thing. I began writing what they call a mission statement. Not a memo, a mission statement. You know, a suggestion for the future of our company. A night like this doesn't come along very often. I seized it. What started out as one page became twenty-five. Suddenly, I was my father's son again. I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job, how I ended up here out of law school, the way a stadium sounds when one of my players performs well on the field. The way we are meant to protect them in health and in injury. With so many clients, we had forgotten what was important.I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and I'm not even a writer. I was remembering even the words of the original sports agent, my mentor, the late great Dickie Fox who said: 'The key to this business is personal relationships.' Suddenly, it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Less money. More attention. Caring for them, caring for ourselves and the games, too. Just starting our lives, really. Hey - I'll be the first to admit, what I was writing was somewhat touchy-feely. I didn't care. I have lost the ability to bullshit. It was the me I'd always wanted to be. I took it in a bag to a Copymat in the middle of the night and printed up a hundred and ten copies. Even the cover looked like The Catcher in the Rye. I entitled it 'The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business.'...Everybody got a copy...I was 35. I had started my life.

Jerry Maguire:
Bob Sugar said I don't understand what it's like to be a black man? I'm Mister black people!