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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotes (1997)
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Famous Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotations

If you don't think Austin Powers is one of the funniest movies of the 1990s, maybe you should be packed into a cryogenic time chamber and sent back to the decade whence you came. Perhaps it was the 1960s--the shagadelic decade when London hipster Austin Powers scored with gorgeous chicks as a fashion photographer by day, crime-fighting international man of mystery by night. Yeah, baby, yeah! But when Powers's arch nemesis, Dr. Evil, puts himself into a deep-freeze and travels via time machine to the late 1990s, Powers must follow him and foil Evil's nefarious scheme of global domination. Mike Myers plays dual roles as Powers and Dr. Evil, with Elizabeth Hurley as his present-day sidekick and karate-kicking paramour. A hilarious spoof of '60s spy movies, this colorful comedy actually gets funnier with successive viewings, making it a perfect home video for gloomy days and randy nights. Oh, behave! --Jeff Shannon

"I put the grrr in swinger, baby!" a deliciously randy Austin Powers coos near the beginning of The Spy Who Shagged Me, and if the imagination of Austin creator Mike Myers seems to have sagged a bit, his energy surely hasn't. This friendly, go-for-broke sequel to 1997's Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery finds our man Austin heading back to the '60s to keep perennial nemesis Dr. Evil (Myers again) from blowing up the world--and, more importantly, to get back his mojo, that man-juice that turns Austin into irresistible catnip for women, especially American spygirl Felicity Shagwell (a pretty but vacant Heather Graham). The plot may be irreverent and illogical, the jokes may be bad (with characters named Ivana Humpalot and Robin Swallows, nie Spitz), and the scenes may run on too long, but it's all delivered sunnily and with tongue firmly in cheek. Myers's true triumph, though, is his turn as the neurotic Dr. Evil, who tends to spout the right cultural reference at exactly the wrong time (referring to his moon base as a "Death Star" with Moon Units Alpha and Zappa--in 1969). Myers teams Dr. Evil with a diminutive clone, Mini-Me (Verne J. Troyer), who soon replaces slacker son Scott Evil (Seth Green) as the apple of the doctor's eye; Myers and Troyer work magic in what could plausibly be one of the year's most affecting (and hysterically funny) love stories. Despite a stellar supporting cast--including a sly Rob Lowe as Robert Wagner's younger self and Mindy Sterling as the forbidding Frau Farbissina--it's basically Myers's show, and he pulls a hat trick by playing a third character, the obese and disgusting Scottish assassin Fat Bastard. Many viewers will reel in disgust at Mr. Bastard's repulsive antics and the scatological bent Myers indulges in, including one showstopper involving coffee and--shudder--a stool sample. Still, Myers's good humor and dead-on cultural references win the day; Austin is one spy who proves he can still shag like a minx. --Mark Englehart


  • Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me
    Austin Powers:
    I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn
    »

  • Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
    Austin Powers:
    Or sometimes not at all.
    »

  • Alotta Fagina: Some sake, Mr. Cunningham?
    Austin Powers:
    Sake it to me baby!
    »

  • Austin Powers: Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name. »

  • Austin Powers: Allow myself to introduce... myself. »

  • Austin Powers: Au contraire baby, you can't resist me. »

  • Austin Powers: Come again?
    Alotta Fagina:
    Alotta Fagina
    Austin Powers:
    Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it, it sounds like you said your name was a lot of um... never mind!
    »

  • Austin Powers: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I? »

  • Austin Powers: Does that make you HORNY? »

  • Austin Powers: Excuse me, but you didn't happen to see...
    Austin Powers:
    ...anything at all.
    »

  • Austin Powers: Hey! There you are!
    Tourist:
    Hi... do I know you?
    Austin Powers:
    No, but that's where you are! You're there!
    »

  • Austin Powers: I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby! »

  • Austin Powers: I won't bite... hard. »

  • Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working. »

  • Austin Powers: It's freedom, baby, yeah! »

  • Austin Powers: Its time to swing, baby. »

  • Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich. »

  • Austin Powers: Judo chop! »

  • Austin Powers: My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx. »

  • Austin Powers: My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah. »

  • Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please! »

  • Austin Powers: No, actually, I'm English. »

  • Austin Powers: No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her!
    Vanessa Kensington:
    What?
    Austin Powers:
    I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
    »

  • Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    No.
    Austin Powers:
    That's not the way to get ahead in life.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    No.
    Austin Powers:
    It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    Hmm.
    Austin Powers:
    He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    Okay, that'll do.
    Austin Powers:
    Okay.
    »

  • Austin Powers: Pardon me for being rude. It was not me, it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below. »

  • Austin Powers: Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whores bath? Personally before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's your father! »

  • Austin Powers: She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride. »

  • Austin Powers: Smashing, baby »

  • Austin Powers: That ain't no woman! It's a man, man! »

  • Austin Powers: That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman! »

  • Austin Powers: That's Dr. Evil's cat!
    Vanessa Kensington:
    How can you tell?
    Austin Powers:
    I never forget a pussy... cat.
    »

  • Austin Powers: That's not your mother, it's a man, baby! »

  • Austin Powers: This is my happening and it freaks me out! »

  • Austin Powers: Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding. »

  • Austin Powers: Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick! »

  • Austin Powers: What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
    Number Two:
    That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room.
    »

  • Austin Powers: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
    Basil Exposition:
    The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing.
    Austin Powers:
    Yes... I'm having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE.
    »

  • Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
    Cowboy:
    Yeah, that's it! You show that turd who's boss.
    »

  • Austin Powers: Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming. »

  • Austin Powers: Yeah, baby, yeah »

  • Basil Exposition: Austin, the Cold War is over!
    Austin Powers:
    Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?
    Basil Exposition:
    Austin... we won.
    Austin Powers:
    Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!
    »

  • Basil Exposition: What's the other?
    Austin Powers:
    Excuse me?
    Basil Exposition:
    What's the other thing that scares you?
    Austin Powers:
    Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.
    »

  • Cowboy: Jesus Christ, boy! What did you eat? »

  • Dr. Evil: All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.
    Dr. Evil:
    Close the tank!
    Scott Evil:
    Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
    Dr. Evil:
    No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
    Scott Evil:
    I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
    Dr. Evil:
    Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.
    »

  • Dr. Evil: Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism! »

  • Dr. Evil: Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself. »

  • Dr. Evil: Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two. »

  • Dr. Evil: I demand the sum... OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS. »

  • Dr. Evil: I like to see girls of that... caliber.
    Dr. Evil:
    By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
    »

  • Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins. »

  • Dr. Evil: One more peep out of you and you're grounded Mister and I am not joking. Let's begin. »

  • Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
    Scott Evil:
    What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
    Dr. Evil:
    I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
    »

  • Dr. Evil: That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry Mr. bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE! »

  • Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it. »

  • Dr. Evil: There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster. »

  • Dr. Evil: Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots? »

  • Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?
    Dr. Evil:
    Oh sure.
    Frau Farbissina:
    Well, after a couple of years we got a little... impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.
    Dr. Evil:
    My son?
    Frau Farbissina:
    Ja. SCOTT!
    Dr. Evil:
    Hello Scott.
    Scott Evil:
    Hi.
    Dr. Evil:
    I'm your father. Dr Evil.
    Scott Evil:
    I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and *expect* a relationship? I hate you. What?
    Dr. Evil:
    Can I have a hug?
    Scott Evil:
    No.
    Dr. Evil:
    Give me a hug.
    Scott Evil:
    No way.
    Dr. Evil:
    Come on. Let's go. Pronto.
    Scott Evil:
    What are you doing?
    Dr. Evil:
    I'm with it. I'm hip. Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.
    Scott Evil:
    Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
    Dr. Evil:
    Hug, hug, hug.
    »

  • Frau Farbissina: Send in the FEMBOTS! »

  • Paddy O'Brien: They're always after me lucky charms.
    Paddy O'Brien:
    What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? They ARE after me lucky charms!
    »

  • Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
    Dr. Evil:
    Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
    »

  • Scott Evil: I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
    Therapist:
    He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
    Dr. Evil:
    No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.
    »

  • Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
    Dr. Evil:
    An evil vet?
    Scott Evil:
    No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
    Dr. Evil:
    An evil petting zoo?
    Scott Evil:
    You always do that!
    »

  • Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    But...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    I'm...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    All I'm say...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    There gonna get a...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    I'm...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    I'm just...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    Would...
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!... Knock-knock.
    Scott Evil:
    Who's there?
    Dr. Evil:
    Sh!
    Scott Evil:
    But...
    Dr. Evil:
    Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
    »

  • Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool. »

  • U.N. Representative: So, Mr. Evil...
    Dr. Evil:
    It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
    »

  • Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about Miss Fagina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
    Austin Powers:
    No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    Did you used protection ?
    Austin Powers:
    Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    You know I meant, did you use a condom?
    Austin Powers:
    No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
    Vanessa Kensington:
    Not in the '90s Austin.
    Austin Powers:
    Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.
    »

  • Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
    Austin Powers:
    What's your point, Vanessa?
    »

  • Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
    Austin Powers:
    No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
    »

  • Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
    Austin Powers:
    No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
    »



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