Pauline:
My God, I've never seem so much dole scum under one roof before. Has no one got a job in here? No, you're all too busy flicking yourselves off to Ann Robinson!

Herr Lipp:
If you know of any erections, please let me know. I'm not fussy where I put myself.

Herr Lipp:
There's a lot of fun English games. Hop cock, British bull dykes and stick your tail in a donkey.

Mickey:
Is that a pub?

Olly Plimsoles:
Good evening, we are Legz Akimbo theatre company.

Olly Plimsoles:
Thanks very much! Some of you may remember us from a couple of Christmases ago, we did a play called "Pins and Needles". A play about tramps on heroin.

Steve:
Come on Hamlet, make your mind up!

Mark:
Stop soliqusiing you danish poof!

Herr Lipp:
Enjoy the rest of your evening, sleep tight. And remember, don't let the bugger bite you.

Olly Plimsoles:
It will be the first time I've written a play for adults. I'm glad I'm not standing up here as teacher. I'm not "sir". I'm not "mum". I'm not "dad". I'm Olly Plimsoles.

Olly Plimsoles:
And I'm not gonna patronise you. Pat-ro-nise, means to talk down to you.