Lee Evans: Live from the West End 
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Lee Evans: Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like *buzzes*, it's a twat with a shotgun!
Lee Evans: My wife, she is a beautiful woman, but in labour she turned into fucking Jack Nichloson from The Shining. "You. You fucking did this to me!", "But I thought it was a shared experience", "No. You fucking did this!"
Lee Evans: They'll drop a cage into the water, and the shark'll be like, 'what you doin' down 'ere. What you fuckin' doin' down 'ere?', and they'll get a bit of meat on a stick, and go 'Oy! Wanker! Bleurgh!'