Leprechaun:
Your shrieks, my dear, provide a perfect accompaniment to this romantic evening.

Dr. Mittenhand:
No one leaves this ship unless I so say! Say so.

Harold:
May I say what an honor is is to be working with such a great genius?

Dr. Mittenhand:
And may I say how much I loathe and despise toadies like you?

Harold:
Thank you. And may I say what an honor it is to be despised by such a magnificent mind?

Dr. Mittenhand:
Oh, shut up.

Tina:
Don't get too excited, boys. On the planet Dominia, when a woman of royal blood shows you her breasts, it's a death sentence.

Sticks:
And what part of her anatomy is she gonna kill me with?

Sticks:
Man. Twenty-first century and they still can't dance.

Leprechaun:
Do ya like hangin' around, eh?

Leprechaun:
Well there's no future in that!

Leprechaun:
As Shakespeare said, shit happens.

Staff Sergeant Brooks Malloy:
(After Leprechaun becomes a giant) What did you shoot him with, steroids?

Harold:
I'm sorry. You have an appointment?

Harold:
Thank you, I've already had my lunch.

Harold:
Hey, don't touch me unless you mean it, cowboy.

Harold:
Dr. Mittenhand, you look... much taller in person.

Dr. Mittenhand:
Thank you, Harold, I'LL do the jokes.

Dr. Mittenhand:
If you disobey my orders and refuse to carry them out. You will be tried for mutiny and I guarantee you, YOU WILL BE SHOT! On the other hand, if you are successful in killing that creature. I will arrange a very generous bonus for each of you.

Dr. Mittenhand:
Say, one hundred times what you are being paid now.

Sticks:
I'm in.

Dr. Mittenhand:
I am like the Wizard of Oz, am I not? Running things from behind a curtain. Only this wizard IS NOT A FAKE!

Leprechaun:
The path to power is often soiled with innocent blood, and I will let nothing stop me from becoming king. I'll have power and glory, and a beautiful queen to share it with. Share... Now there's a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures, leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything. I'll wed her, bed her and bury her all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding AND the funeral.