Count Dracula:
I'm going out for a bite to drink.

Count Dracula:
Children of the night, shut up!

Doctor Jeff Rosenberg:
You know what Freud said: if you don't pay for it, you don't get better.

Doctor Jeff Rosenberg:
Look, a check. She paid me everything she owes me. She left me, but she learned something. She's a responsible person, or whatever.

Cindy Sondheim:
We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie.

Count Dracula:
No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie.

Commissare Woman:
Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split.

Count Dracula:
Renfield.

Renfield:
Yes, master.

Count Dracula:
What is an efficiency apartment?

Renfield:
I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

Count Dracula:
I never drink wine, and I do not smoke shit.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg:
This is a perfect example of a man taking charge of his own life. And I feel... pretty good!

Count Dracula:
Without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as Bucharest... on a Monday night.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg:
I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing.

Renfield:
I think they're from the government.

Count Dracula:
How do you know?

Renfield:
They're wearing shoes.

Count Dracula:
What is your name?

Count Dracula:
No, Alexei. I bit your mother, and your grandmother.

Renfield:
You have 30 seconds to tell me where Miss Sondheim is, or...

Cindy's Modeling Agent:
Or what? You'll eat your lunch in my office?

Renfield:
No-o-o, my lunch will eat you.

Renfield:
I thought you were having fun.

Count Dracula:
Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?

Cindy Sondheim:
Can I get you anything?

Count Dracula:
A broom, perhaps?

Cindy Sondheim:
Eh? Oh, I hate housework. It killed my mother.

Cindy Sondheim:
I told you I have a man in here...

Count Dracula:
*Now* you do.

Count Dracula:
I heard a rooster crow.

Cindy Sondheim:
A rooster? In New York *City*?

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg:
My name is Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg, and I want to talk to you about a man who sucks the blood out of people.

Lieutenant Ferguson:
A loan shark, eh? What's 's name.

Count Dracula:
We're going to make a hoist.

Renfield:
Heist! Heist, heist.

Count Dracula:
We've come to make a withdrawal. We have a very sick man in the car. He needs blood, desperately.

Bloodbank Guard:
That's a hearse!

Count Dracula:
So maybe we're a bit late.

Count Dracula:
Do you think of me as special?

Cindy Sondheim:
Yes, of course.

Count Dracula:
So how can you think of yourself as nothing, when I love you?

Lieutenant Ferguson:
You know we can't go in there without a warrant.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg:
If we don't, her immortal soul will be lost forever.

Lieutenant Ferguson:
If we do I'll lose my pension.

Renfield:
Master, please be careful!

Count Dracula:
What is it?

Renfield:
You nearly stepped on my dinner!

Count Dracula:
Forgive me... Bon Appetite!

Count Dracula:
The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. He never kills for sport, only what is needed. And he always protects the young... and the old.

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg:
In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived... burn, baby! Burn!

Nurse at Bloodbank:
If you two freaks don't get out of here, I AM GOING TO SCREAM MY HEAD OFF!

Renfield:
If you scream loudly, they'll think you where frightened by a mouse.

Count Dracula:
Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age. Things were simpler, less complicated. Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century? Two.