Bennie:
There was just something in the air tonight!

Medusa:
Lava?

Medusa:
It's lonely at the top. When I was little, I wrote a poem about it. It went: "The prettiest girl in the mirror is me, but will I still be pretty when there's no one there to see?... me? I wish upon a lucky star to put a happy face on my pain, because it hurts so much to be so cold and so alone... in the... rain."

Medusa:
My grandmother used to say "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" But you can't make lemonade out of a dead dog, no matter how hard you try.

Medusa:
Do you know how almost fired you are?

Medusa:
You don't understand. If I use a smaller penis it would be compromising my artistic integrity.

Medusa:
There's the phone booth where I lost my virginity! "Memories/of the phone booths on my block." Hah-hah! There's the doughnut shop where I used to work. The owner always used to put one on his finger and wiggles his eyebrows at me. He was so twisted. Too many cruellers!

Medusa:
Made me a star!

Medusa:
What do you mean you're not coming on tour with me? I thought with the amount I was paying you I was your only patient! Come on, you have to come with me! You said I was "Borderline." I even wrote a song about it!

Medusa:
C'mon, suck my toes in my documentary. Nobody's done that yet!

Shane Pencil:
No way...

Medusa:
Come on. I did that crappy movie you made me do, "Tokyo Trauma." You owe me!

Medusa:
Wink Martindale wants to do me in a Motel Seven!

Bobcat Goldthwait:
Hey! I saw you do that, you stuck your hand down your throat and went "Bleh" when I said your show was nice!

Medusa:
Oh no, no, no! I'm just having a problem with my Uvula!

Bobcat Goldthwait:
Your Uvula? Hey, listen, that dirty talk may work in your songs and interviews, but I'm a family man. I could've gone to Monster Trucks tonight.

Medusa:
Darkness I do dread/It's hard to party when you're dead.

Bobo:
Medusa, your show was amazing tonight. You are SO sexy!

Medusa:
Duh.

Medusa:
Ow, even my armpit hairs are burned!

Bennie:
Do you know something, though? You were fabulous tonight.

Taffy:
Oh yes! Oh yes, yes, yes.

Medusa:
What, are you saying I do my best work when I'm being electrocuted?

Bennie:
No, but I have to be honest with you... some people are saying it was the best part of the show.

Medusa:
Really? Well maybe we should keep it in. But a LOT less voltage! Can you do that?

Medusa:
Hey, look, if he's dead then I'm gonna need a NEW boyfriend, right? You can't doodle with a dead noodle. Hah-hah!

Shane Pencil:
Augh!

Medusa:
Oh, no. There he goes! Actor man, off on another acting adventure: doo-doo-doo! He'll be back. Oh my God! Is that what Shakespeare looked like? He's a balding geek with a bad perm! I'm not doing this.

Medusa:
Vanna White, Ed McMahon / Nicolette Sheridan / Mary Hart, Chuck Woolery / Are as vague as they can be. / Brooke Shields, Dawber Pam / Personality of Spam / Wilson Philips love to sing and Wreck the cover of a magazine / Christie Brinkley, Brosnan Pierce / Bland and boring, something fierce. / Daniel Quayle's brain is gone. / Debbie Gibson gives good yawn. / Kelly LeBrock thinks she's great / She's just cold boogars on a paper plate / Why they're famous we don't know, but / Paula Abdul's gotta go / Ladies with no point of view, fellas who don't have a clue / Don't just stand there, let's get to it / Strike a pose, there's nothing to it / Vague, let your body move without thinking / Vague, let your body move without thinking