Mrs. Anna Smith:
Sure, don't mind what happends to your family, at a time like this you think about the chickens.

Agnes Smith:
Katie, where's my cat?

Katie the Maid:
I don't know... a little while ago, she got in my way and I kicked her down the cellar steps. I could hear her spine hitting on every step.

Agnes Smith:
Oh, if you killed her, I'll kill you! I'll stab you to death in your sleep, then I'll tie your body to two wild horses until you're pulled apart.

Katie the Maid:
Oh, won't that be terrible, now? There's your cat.

'Tootie' Smith:
Poor Margeretha, I've never seen her look so pale.

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
The sun oughta do her some good.

'Tootie' Smith:
I suspect she won't live through the night, she has four fatal diseases.

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
And it only takes one.

'Tootie' Smith:
But she's going to have a beautiful funeral, in a cigar box my Papa gave me, all wrapped up in silver paper.

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
That's the way to go, if you have to go.

'Tootie' Smith:
Oh, she has to go.

Rose Smith:
Money. I hate, loathe, despise and abominate money.

Mr. Alonzo Smith:
You also spend it.

Katie the Maid:
Personally, I wouldn't marry a man who proposed to me over an invention.

Mr Alonzo Smith:
Anna, I'm curious, just when was I voted out of this family?

Esther Smith:
I'm going to let John Truett kiss me tonight.

Rose Smith:
Esther Smith.

Esther Smith:
Well, if we're going to get married, I may as well start it.

Rose Smith:
Nice girls don't let men kiss them until after they're engaged. Men don't want the bloom rubbed off.

Esther Smith:
Personally, I think I have too much bloom. Maybe that's the trouble with me.

'Tootie' Smith:
We'll fix him fine. It'll serve him right for poisoning cats... He buys meat and then he buys poison and then he puts them all together.

Agnes Smith:
And then he burns the cats at midnight in his furnace. You could smell the smoke...

'Tootie' Smith:
...and Mr. Braukoff was beating his wife with a red hot poker... and Mr. Braukoff has empty whiskey bottles in his cellar.

Esther Smith:
John Truett. I've come here to ask you something... What do you mean hitting a five-year-old child?... The next time you want to hit somebody, pick on somebody your own size. If there's anything I hate, loathe, despise, and abominate, it's a bully.

John Truett:
You've got a mighty strong grip for a girl.

Esther Smith:
You've got a mighty strong grip for a boy.

'Tootie' Smith:
Here comes the invalid. I have to have two kinds of ice cream. I'm recuperating.

Mrs. Anna Smith:
If I ever catch you fibbing again like you did about John Truett, I'll give you something to recuperate about.

'Tootie' Smith:
It'll take me at least a week to dig up all my dolls in the cemetery.

Esther Smith:
It's our last dance in St. Louis. I feel like I'm going to cry.

John Truett:
This is a fine going away present I'm giving you for Christmas. I'll bet you really hate me.

Esther Smith:
Oh, no, John, I don't hate you! I just hate basketball!

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
Well, I got a cousin who spells it the same way, and we call him "Louie".

'Tootie' Smith:
He's isn't a city though, is he?

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
No...

'Tootie' Smith:
Is he a saint?

Mr. Neely the Iceman:
Uh, no.

'Tootie' Smith:
Then there's no comparison.

'Tootie' Smith:
Now I remember where I left my other skate!

Katie the Maid:
Anybody want dessert?

Mr. Alonzo Smith:
Dessert? What happened to dinner?

Katie the Maid:
I didn't think anybody could eat meat on a hot day like this!

Rose Smith:
Agnes Smith, you're nothing less than a murderer. You could have killed dozens of people!

Agnes Smith:
Oh, Rose, you're so stuck up.

Johnny Tevis:
Tootie, if you don't hit Mr. Braukoff in the face with flour and say "I hate you", the Banshee will haunt you forever!

Agnes Smith:
Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?

Rose Smith:
You'll find out tomorrow.

Agnes Smith:
I hope it's a hunting knife!

John Truett:
Wow, that's nice perfume.

Esther Smith:
Do you like it? It's Essence of Violet. I only take it out on special occasions

John Truett:
Exactly the kind my grandmother wears.

Grandpa:
You'll all be safe with me; I've got twelve guns in my room!