Mr. Baseball 
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Jack Elliot: I don't believe this. What's next? Somebody going to tell me how to take a crap?
Jack Elliot: Hey Max!
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Yeah, what!
Jack Elliot: I need someone to tell me how to take a crap.
Jack Eliot: We're not athletes, we're baseball players!
Jack Eliot: I'm a World Series MVP!
Skip: That was four years ago, Jack. Last season, you hit .235.
Jack Eliot: LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!
Hiroko Uchiyama: Something very definite. Definite that Baseball and Jack always come before Hiroko and Jack.
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Max Dubois. Around here they call me Hammer. Don't ask me why.
Jack Elliot: Jack Elliot.
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Yeah. I know who you are. I've been in Japan, not dead.
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: It's like being a black guy back home. Only there are less of us.
Jack Elliot: Yeah, I rang, Mr. Wise-Ass!
Jack Elliot: Japanese way, 'Shut up and Take it'!
Hiroko Uchiyama: Jack's way, 'ME, ME, ME'! Sometimes acceptance and cooperation are strengths also.
Uchiyama: But we are losing!
Jack Eliot: We're BEHIND. BIG difference.
Jack Elliot: Just let them have a little fun.
Uchiyama: Baseball is work. Not fun.
Jack Elliot: Baseball is grown men getting paid to play a game. When you were a kid, I bet you didn't pick up a bat and ball because you were dying to work. A player's career is short enough. Let them enjoy it.
Jack Elliot: You got any naked pictures of your wife?
Lyle Massey: No, but I got some of yours.
Jack Elliot: Big hit, happy body!