Mouse Donovan:
Hmmmm, is somebody a little moody about an impending birthday perhaps?

Babyface Hamilton:
I love it when you speak well!

Nik Faulkner:
Procrastination is way under rated.

Babyface Hamilton:
"Thin" is out.

Belinda Faulkner:
You know, I've never thought that a woman's looks were more important than her brains or her heart. I thought I'd tried to teach you that.

Nik Faulkner:
You have, it's... it's just easy for you to think that way because you're so beautiful.

Belinda Faulkner:
Oh honey, don't you know how beautiful you are?

Babyface Hamilton:
They say that second marriages are often far more fruitful. People are a little older, a little wiser, a little more tired.

Babyface Hamilton:
Divorce is not a bad word anymore, Nicky. You might even see more of your parents than you do already, like at the therapists!

Nik Faulkner:
Therapist? I just got rid of my orthodontist!

Nik Faulkner:
I'm sacrificing my pride for the greater good of the family. When my mother sees this, she'll thank me. I'm being a bigger person by forgiving her first.

Mouse Donovan:
Wow. That's weird.

Mr. Birdwell:
William Howard Taft was, among other things, the fattest president we've ever had!

Zack Bomback:
The cool thing is that I've got fifteen new relatives, so this Christmas is gonna be fantastic. I'm very greedy.

Nik Faulkner:
Me too!

Zack Bomback:
We didn't have much in common. I mean, she doesn't like horror movies. How can you not like horror movies?

Nik Faulkner:
Maybe she's a communist.

Nik Faulkner:
Oh, you guys, it's so ugly! I love it.

Mouse Donovan:
Ugly is really 'in' right now.

Nik Faulkner:
Why have kids at all if you're too busy to take care of them?

Nik Faulkner:
I wish I was old enough to drink or dumb enough to smoke.