Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

Dr. Forrester:
Oh, who doesn't own an interositer these days?

Tom Servo:
What with all the shenanigans and goings-on.

Crow T. Robot:
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER?

Crow T. Robot:
Science and Industry!

Tom Servo:
See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!

Crow T. Robot:
Build your very own Atom Storage Box!

Mike:
Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!

Crow T. Robot:
Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.

Tom Servo:
Suddenly I have a refreshing mint flavor.

Crow T. Robot:
Into the weenie mobile, weenie man away!

Mike:
Joe, I'm in one of these boxes, find me!

Crow T. Robot:
Puppet wranglers? There weren't any puppets in this movie.

Tom Servo:
Crow you big dope, you can't tunnel through space!

Crow T. Robot:
Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?

Crow T. Robot:
Man, the universe is really cruisin'.

Tom Servo:
Hey look, there's Taurus the bull.

Mike:
And right underneath him the constellation feces.

Dr. Forrester:
I'm feeling particularly evil because today's experiment is a stinky cinematic suppository called "This Island Earth." You may all bow down before me after this stinkburger.

Crow T. Robot:
They're forcing him to visit Branson, Missouri.

Dr. Forrester:
Hello, and welcome. I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, and soon you will all bow down before me.

Crow T. Robot:
Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.

Crow T. Robot:
Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around!

Tom Servo:
Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.

Tom Servo:
Oh, it's a Goldstar.

Crow T. Robot:
Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!

Crow T. Robot:
Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.

Tom Servo:
They're escaping under cover of afternoon in the largest car in the county!

Tom Servo:
Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.

Tom Servo:
Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of Babylon 5.

Tom Servo:
It's the amazing technicolor cheese wedge!

Mike:
Washingtonland, the new Disney theme park.

Crow T. Robot:
He's flown into a Flemish painting.

Dr. Clayton Forrester:
This is my test subject, Mike Nelson - a disgustingly mild-mannered dope who's managed to survive every film I've subjected him to. But, perhaps, this movie will drive him to the breaking point and crush his soul. And then I'll unleash it on an unwitting public, and then I will rule the world!

Dr. Clayton Forrester:
Yes, I'm a naughty boy! Naughty! Naughty! Naughty!... Oh, ahem.

Tom Servo:
Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...

Tom Servo:
Captain's log: a bunch of our ship fell off, and, nobody likes me.

Tom Servo:
Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle, and I can't leave my room!

Tom Servo:
Wow, that ringing! Now he knows what the world sounds like to Pete Townshend!

Tom Servo:
This isn't shot day-for-night. It's more like 4:30-for-5:15.

Crow T. Robot:
And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.

Tom Servo:
I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me, and frankly I love it!

Crow T. Robot:
C'mon! Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!

Tom Servo:
Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.

Crow T. Robot:
They're very into Yes on this planet.

Tom Servo:
"I'm not an alien!"

Mike:
"I'm not an alien."

Crow T. Robot:
He's gonna get high!

Tom Servo:
"Uh, no!"

Mike:
"Your turn to walk the Cal."

Crow T. Robot:
"I dare ya!"

Tom Servo:
"Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"

Tom Servo:
*Ahem* "Guten Tag! Zigaretten? Wir wollen ein Auto mieten!"

Crow T. Robot:
Cooler by the lake.

Tom Servo:
Rents are reasonable!

Mike:
"Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"

Mike:
Geez, Dr. Forrester!

Crow T. Robot:
What a dickweed!

Crow T. Robot:
The secret government Eggo Project!

Crow T. Robot:
Eat my photons, small heads!

Mike:
Boy, the landlady's gonna be mad.

Tom Servo:
Are you boys cooking up there?

Mike:
No.

Tom Servo:
Are you making an interositor?

Mike:
No!

Crow T. Robot:
After the genocide, of course.

Tom Servo:
EASTMAN! He came from the east, to do battle with the amazing RANDO!

Crow T. Robot:
Don't leave me with the Germans!

Crow T. Robot:
and now it's time for The Brack Show! Da da da-da-da DA! It's the Brack show! Staring me, I'm Brack!

Crow T. Robot:
Shall I compare thee to a summers daaaaaaaa...

Mike:
I'm your pilot, Claud Rains. Your co-pilot, Harvey the Rabbit.

Tom Servo:
If not satisfied with this movie, please return unused portion for a full refund.

Crow T. Robot:
"Service engine soon" I wonder what that's all about.

Tom Servo:
Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a weather balloon!

Mike:
Just some swamp gas.

Mike:
Putting the men's room in the tower, what was I thinking?

Crow T. Robot:
You killed the Hubble!

Mike:
This is when science didn't have to have any specific purpose.

Crow T. Robot:
Oh, my god! My waffle! Oh the humanity!

Tom Servo:
Let go of my hand, Joe!

Tom Servo:
This Island Earth can be yours IF the price is right!

Tom Servo:
Sort this, deliver that, I'll make them all pay.

Tom Servo:
Hope you like cyanide!

Tom Servo:
I could've sworn we parked at the... Oh sh*t!

Mike:
So they worship the ever-lasting gobstopper?

Mike:
I'm just gona drop you at the north pole, that okay?

Tom Servo:
Well what kind of sh*t-hole planet is this?

Gypsy:
Uh uh! No way! This is your dishwashing liquid! You soak in it!

Crow T. Robot:
G.I. Joe action set. Nerdy Joe not included.

Mike Nelson:
Doesn't the fact that it's universal make it international?

Tom Servo:
That's what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave!

Mike Nelson:
I'm beginning to think they're not from around here.

Tom Servo:
No, I bet you they're English, or Canadian.

Tom Servo:
Come on, you couple of single-stomach, micro-cephalic bilobes.

Crow T. Robot:
I'm gonna curl up in his sock drawer, and sleep for days.

Tom Servo:
Good morning, Voice.

Mike Nelson:
'Cause it's time to die.

Crow T. Robot:
Where's my gun?

Tom Servo:
Left, right, left... Left, right, left... Ouch! A door.

Dr. Clayton Forrester:
Wait help, auntie Em! Auntie Em! SUPRIIIIISE! Like who doesn't own an intirositor you collective heads of knuckle? Now get back in the theater you ninny-hammers! And remember, I know who you are, and I saw what you did. Now scat!

Dr. Clayton Forrester:
I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!

Dr. Clayton Forrester:
Prepare yourselves for my maddest madness yet!

Crow T. Robot:

Tom Servo:
NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!

Crow T. Robot:
A man?

Tom Servo:
Cal, you b*tch!

Crow T. Robot:
Just love me!

Crow T. Robot:
Uh, no, that's paper, sir.

Crow:
Sniffles caps off any size jug bottle or jar and it realy, realy works.