Batman Forever

The Riddler:
Joygasm!

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Hot entrance!

Two-Face:
Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!

Two-Face:
One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!

The Riddler:
Riddle me this, what sort of a man has bats on the brain?

The Riddler:
Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

Batman:
Commissioner Gordon?

Dr. Chase Meridian:
He's at home. I sent the signal.

Batman:
What's wrong?

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Last night, at the bank, I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.

Batman:
I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.

Batman:
You trying to get under my cape, doctor?

Dr. Chase Meridian:
A girl can't live by psychoses alone.

Batman:
It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, *oh*, black rubber.

Batman:
Try firemen, less to take off.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.

Batman:
We all wear masks.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
My life's an open book. You read?

Batman:
I don't blend in at a family picnic.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.

Batman:
Direct aren't you?

Dr. Chase Meridian:
You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?

Batman:
I haven't had that much luck with women.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.

Dick Grayson:
I need a name! Batboy, Nightwing, I dunno. What's a good sidekick name?

Bruce Wayne:
How about Dick Grayson, college student?

Dick Grayson:
Screw you!

Alfred Pennyworth:
I'm sorry to bother you, sir. But I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.

Bruce Wayne:
What? Is he alright?

Alfred Pennyworth:
I'm afraid Master Dick has, uhm, gone traveling.

Bruce Wayne:
He ran away?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Actually, he took the car.

Bruce Wayne:
He boosted the Jag?

Alfred Pennyworth:
No, sir. Not the Jaguar. The other car.

Bruce Wayne:
The Bentley?

Alfred Pennyworth:
No, sir! The *other car*.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?

Batman:
I'll get drive-thru.

The Riddler:
For if knowledge is power, then a GOD AM *I*!

The Riddler:
Was that over the top? I can never tell.

The Riddler:
You should have let me in on this. We could have planned it, prepared it, pre-sold the movie rights!

Robin:
Holey rusted metal, Batman!

Batman:
Huh?

Robin:
The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.

Batman:
Oh.

Dick Grayson:
All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face. He took my whole life. And when I was out there tonight, I imagined it was him that I was fighting, even when I was fighting you. And all the pain went away. Do you understand?

Bruce Wayne:
Yes, I do.

Dick Grayson:
Good, cause you gotta help me find him. And when we do, I'm the one who kills him.

Bruce Wayne:
So, you're willing to take a life.

Dick Grayson:
Long as it's Two-Face.

Bruce Wayne:
Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.

Dick Grayson:
You can't understand. Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.

Bruce Wayne:
Yes, they were. We're the same.

Batman:
I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.

Batman:
Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...

Dr. Chase Meridian:
- in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.

Batman:
Exactly.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.

Batman:
Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
By the way, do you have a first name, or do I just call you Bat?

Bruce Wayne:
Perhaps letters of the alphabet.

Alfred Pennyworth:
Of course, 13 is M.

Bruce Wayne:
1 would be A, 8 would be H, and 5 would be E.

Alfred Pennyworth:
M-A-H-E?

Bruce Wayne:
Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18.

Alfred Pennyworth:
18... is... R. M-R-E.

Bruce Wayne:
How about "Mr. E"?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Mystery.

Bruce Wayne:
And another name for mystery?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Enigma!

Bruce Wayne:
Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma. Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery.

Alfred Pennyworth:
You really are quite bright, despite what people say.

The Riddler:
Tell the fat lady she's on in five.

Two-Face:
You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into POWDER. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition: therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damned head off!

The Riddler:
Now the real game begins!

The Riddler:
This is your brain on the box. This is my brain on the box. Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?

The Riddler:
Don't kill him! If you kill him, he won't learn nothin'!

The Riddler:
I hope they can find the little black box.

The Riddler:
Like the jacket? It keeps me safe when I'm... jogging at night!

The Riddler:
Batman? Batman, you say? Coming for you? I'm...

The Riddler:
counting on it!

Two-Face:
You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil, aren't you my friend?

Two-Face:
Maybe, maybe not. You could say we're of two minds on the subject.

The Riddler:
Love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden.

Two Face:
B12!

The Riddler:
Hit! And my favorite vitamin might I add.

Edward Nygma:
Caffeine will KILL YA!

Bruce Wayne:
I was scared at first, but only at first.

The Riddler:
YOU SUNK MY BATTLE SHIP!

Edward Nygma:
You were supposed to understand. I'll *make* you understand.

Commissioner Gordon:
[about Two-Face] Can we reason with him? He's holding innocent people hostage up there.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
It won't do any good. He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.

Batman:
Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...

Meridian:
[interrupting] ...in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.

Batman:
Exactly.

Dr. Meridian:
Like you. [off his look] Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.

Batman:
Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

Dr. Meridian:
[More intrigued] Really? I did not know that. You are interesting...and call me 'Chase'. [Batman looks back up to the bank, Meridian does the same. As she looks up, Batman then walks away] By the way, do you have a first name, or do we just call you "Bats"? [Turns and sees Batman is no longer there.]

Edward Nygma:
Okay Now I've got it! Ha! "Too many questions. There's too many questions. "Too many..." I'll show you it works!

Fred Stickley:
What the hell is going on here? I told you this project is terminated! I'm calling Security!

Edward Nygma:
Caffeine will kill you! Rise and shine, little guinea pig.

Fred Stickley:
What are you doing, Nygma? Untie me!

Edward Nygma:
This won't hurt. At least, I don't think it will.

Fred Stickley:
What are you doing? Nygma, you touch that switch and...

Edward Nygma:
Which one? this? Losing resolution. More power! [demonstrating his brain wave invention] "EDWARD NYGMA, COME ON DOWN! YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON BRAIN DRAIN!" Um, gee, ooh, uh, I'll take what's inside Thick Skull Number One! "What have we got for him, Johnny?" [laughs] Stickley, I'm having a breakthrough! And a breakdown? MAYBE! Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius! No, several geniuses! A gaggle! A swarm! A flock of freakin' Freuds! Riddle me this, Fred! What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else? Your mind, baby! And now mines comes with the power of yours! [in a sing-song voice] I'm sucking up your IQ, vacuuming your cortex, feeding off your brain! [dances to a techno music tune] FRED! [Lip noises; shuts off his machine and Stickley goes back to normal; gasping and laughing] What a rush!

Fred Stickley:
What the hell just happened?

Edward Nygma:
A very surprising side effect! While you were mesmerized by my 3D TV... I utilized your neural energy to grow smarter.

[He kisses his invention's helmet as he puts it back on the mannequin head]

Fred Stickley:
Bruce Wayne was right! You demented, bizarre, unethical toad! It is brain manipulation! I'm reporting you to the FCC, the Human Experimentation Board, the AMI, and the police! [Edward grabs the chair that Stickley is strapped to and drags it far to face the window.] You are going up on charges, to court, to jail, and then to a mental institution for the rest of your twisted little life! But first and foremost, Nygma, you are fired! Do you hear me?! FIRED!

Edward Nygma:
[ominously] Oh... I don't think so.

[Nygma pushes Stickley's chair forward, sending it crashing through the window. Stickley dangles over the edge, with only the helmet's power chord, attached to the power grid, keeping from falling]

Edward Nygma:
HANG ON! [rushes forward and grabs him] Fred... BABE!... You are fired, or should I say... terminated? [He takes off the helmet and lets Stickley fall to his death] SURF'S UP, BIG KAHUNA! [a splash is heard] Oooooh, nice form, but a little rough on the landing. He may have to settle for the bronze! [laughs evilly]

Two-Face:
Ladies, you spoil us! We're of two minds about what to eat first. [Riddler enters behind him and loudly drives his cane into the floor] What?!

The Riddler:
I hope you made extra.

Two-Face:
Who the hell are you?

The Riddler:
Just a friend. But you can call me... the Riddler.

Two-Face:
[grabs Riddler by the collar] We'll call you dead, is more like it! How did you find us here?! Talk!

The Riddler:
But then if I talked, what would keep you from slaying me, O Segregated One? [looks at Two-Face's disfigurement] By the way, that's never gonna heal if you don't stop picking.

Two-Face:
[puts pistol to Riddler's head] Let's see if you bleed green!

The Riddler:
Harvey! [Spice laughs mischievously] I don't think it's me you really want to kill. That'd be too easy for someone as powerful as you... and you. But Batman... [gasps] Now, there's a challenge! Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea! [Two-Face feigns modesty] Just think of it, a few bullets hit home, a quick splash of blood, and then what? Wet hands and post-homicidal depression. [feigns whimpering] Why not humiliate him first, expose his frailties, and then when he's at his weakest... CRUSH HIM! [Two-Face chuckles] I can see that... sparkle in your left eye. I can help you get Batman. That is, if you'll... spare my life for just a few moments.

Two-Face:
[c*cks his head in amusement and puts his gun away] Eh... [puts Riddler down]

The Riddler:
Thank you. I simply love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. [laughs] Splendid! [Takes one of his boxes and puts it on the dark side of the room] It's so dark and gothic and disgustingly decadent [Gestures Spice over with a snarl, then takes a box to the light side]... yet so bright and chipper and conservative! [Urges Sugar over with a whistle] [Back to the dark side; speaking sinisterly] It's so you... [to the light side, speaking operatic] And yet so you! Very few people are both a summer and a winter, but... you pull it off quite nicely.

Two-Face:
[shoots pistol at the ceiling] What's your point, big boy?

The Riddler:
Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?!?! [Two-Face puts his gun back to Riddler's head] This is the point. [shows brainwave gadget; activates it; camera shows Sugar and Spice being entranced to brainwave machine] This is how I found you. Let me demonstrate. [sticks gadget on Two-Face's forehead; Two-Face feels full power of the machine] This is your brain on the Box! This is my brain on the Box! [sticks gadget on his forehead] DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE A FRIED EGG?!?!

Two-Face:
I'll have a bit more, thank you. [he reaches for the gadget, but Riddler pulls it away]

The Riddler:
Oh, there's more, but only the first one's free. Here's the bargain: you will help me steal production capital, so I can put a Box on every TV in town and become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based lifeform! And in return... [goes to Two-Face] ...is everybody paying attention? I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all. The mother of all riddles! Who is... Batman?

Two-Face:
Hmm...You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into powder. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition. [holds up his coin] Therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damn head off!

Alfred Pennyworth:
May I help you, Master Grayson?

Dick Grayson:
How come this is the only locked door in this museum? What've you got back here?

Alfred Pennyworth:
Master Wayne's dead wives. [Dick gives him a look] The silver closet. On your way.

Commissioner Gordon:
I saw the signal, what's going on?

Batman:
Nothing. False alarm.

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Are you sure?

Batman:
[Sighs] Women.

The Riddler:
Hey, Two-Face! Show me how to punch a guy!

Two-Face:
It's darn simple, my boy; ball up a fist, reach way back and assert yourself! [punches out cop]

The Riddler:
Ooo! Looks like fun... lemme try, lemme try!

Two-Face:
Ball up a fist...

The Riddler:
[clenches fist] Ball up a fist!

Two-Face:
Reach way back...

The Riddler:
[winds up] Reach way back!

Two-Face:
And assert yourself!

The Riddler:
Assert—[punches another cop, but is ineffective] OW!

[Alfred brings an envelope to Bruce, who's watching news reports on the Riddler]

Alfred:
Apparently you and Batman have a common enemy. That was with the morning mail.

[Bruce opens the envelope, revealing another riddle, the camera cuts to the two of them in the Batcave]

Alfred:
"The eight of us go forth, not back; to protect our king from a foe's attack."

Bruce Wayne:
Chess pawns. Clock...match...all physical objects, man-made.

Alfred:
Small in size, light in weight.

Bruce Wayne:
What's the connection?

Alfred:
With all due respect, sir, I believe that's why they call him "the Riddler".

[As Two-Face and his thugs crash Edward Nygma's party]

Edward:
You're ruining my big party! Are you INSANE?!

Two-Face:
We're sick of waiting for you to deliver the Batman, dear boy.

Edward:
Patience, oh bifurcated one--

Two-Face:
PATIENCE, HELL! WE WANT HIM DEAD! And nothing brings out the Batman like a little murder and mayhem, baby.

Edward:
Well, at least you could have let me in on the caper! We could have organized this, planned it, presold the movie rights! [sees Batman crash through the ceiling] Your entrance was good; his was better. The difference? Showmanship!

Bruce:
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!

Dick:
You got a real gratitude problem, you know that Bruce. I need a name! "Batboy"? "Nightwing"? I dunno, what's a good sidekick name?

Bruce:
How about "Dick Grayson, college student"?

Dick:
Screw you! I just saved your life, you owe me.

Bruce:
You were totally out of control. You're gonna get yourself killed.

Dick:
Your looking at your new partner.

Bruce:
No!

Dick:
Bruce, whenever you go all night, I'll be watching and wherever Batman goes, I'm gonna be right beside him. I mean, how are you gonna stop me?

Bruce:
I can stop you.

Batman:
[Preparing to attack the Riddler's island] What do you suggest, Alfred? By sea? [Activates the Bat-Boat] Or by air? [Activates the Bat Wing]

Robin:
[Arriving] Why not both?

Batman:
[Looks over Robin's costume] Who's your tailor?

Alfred:
I took the liberty, sir.

Batman:
[Notices Robin's logo] "R". What's that stand for?

Robin:
[Gives Alfred a look] "Robin". [Alfred smiles, Robin looks back at Batman] Riddler and Two-Face make a pretty lethal combination. Figured you could use a hand.

Batman:
Two against two are better odds.

Robin:
I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.

Batman:
"Every man's got to go his own way." A friend told me that.

Robin:
Not just a friend... [Offers his hand]

Batman:
A partner. [Batman shakes Robin's hand]

[The Riddler and Two-Face playing Battleship]

The Riddler:
A-14!

[The bombs explosion underneath the water, Robin avoid the explosion]

Two-Face:
Hit!

The Riddler:
Sweet.

Two-Face:
B-12!

[The bombs explosion again]

The Riddler:
Hit! And my favorite vitamin I might add.

[Two-Face pushes the button, Riddler is doing well, Batman and Robin getting closer to NygmaTech]

Two-Face:
Oh, that sinking feeling.

The Riddler:
I like this game!

Two-Face:
C-9!

[Two-Face destroys the Batboat, Robin evacuates and Batboat is sinking]

The Riddler:
AAH! YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!!

Two-Face:
Who? Me?

[The Riddler laughs manically as Two-Face wins the battleship]

The Riddler:
Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

Batman:
No more tricks, Edward.

The Riddler:
Very well, then. Let's get real.

Batman:
Release Chase. This is between you and me.

Two-Face:
And me... ... and me!

Batman:
You've sucked Gotham's brain waves and now you've devised a way to read minds.

The Riddler:
You betcha! Soon my little "Box" will be on countless TVs around the world. Feeding me, credit card numbers, bank codes, sexual fantasies, and little white lies. Into my head they'll go. Victory is inevitable. For if knowledge is power... ...then a god... ...am... Was that over the top? I can never tell. By the way, I've seen your mind. Freak! Yours is the greatest riddle of all! Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants. Behind curtain... number one! The absolutely fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian! She enjoys hiking, manicures and foolishly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life... HA!

Two-Face:
Heh!

The Riddler:
And behind curtain number two! Fatman's one and only partner! This acrobat turned orphan like Saturday morning cartoons and dreams one day being... ... bare naked with a girl! and below these contestants... my personal favorite: A watery grave! Just one little touch... and five seconds later, these two date players are GULL FEED on the rocks below... Not enough time to save them both... Which one will it be, Batman? Bruce's love... or the Dark Knight's junior partner? [imitating clock timer]

Batman:
There is no way for me to save them or myself... This is all one giant death trap.

The Riddler:
Judges? [imitating buzzer sound] I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But, thank you for playing.

Batman:
Wait! I have a riddle for you.

The Riddler:
For me?... Really? Tell me.

Batman:
I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?

The Riddler:
[scoffs] Please! You're as blind as a bat!

Batman:
Exactly!

[Batman throws a batarang into the Riddler's throne, destroying his machine]

The Riddler:
Bummer!

[Defeated, The Riddler lies among the ruins of his machine, driven insane by the surge of brain power]

The Riddler:
[delirious] Why? Why can't I kill you?! Too many questions, too many questions...

Batman:
Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Not because I have to be, now...because I choose to be.

The Riddler:
AAAAHHH! AHHHHGH! AAAAGH!

[The Riddler looks at Batman, Then, The Riddler screaming in terror as Big Bad Bat appears and take Riddler to Arkham Asylum]

[Dr. Burton talks to Dr. Meridian about Nygma is screaming many hours in Arkham Asylum]

Dr. Burton:
Thank you for that responding to my request of my concentration, Dr. Meridian. Edward Nygma has been screaming for hours but he knows the true identity of Batman.

[Dr. Meridian is visiting Nygma, who claims to know who Batman is]

Dr. Chase Meridian:
Edward?

Edward Nygma:
[in a sing-song tone] Who... is it?

Chase:
It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me?

Edward Nygma:
How could I forget?

Chase:
Dr. Burton tells me you know who Batman is.

Edward Nygma:
I can't tell you unless you say "please".

Chase:
Edward, please. Who is Batman?

Edward Nygma:
[bursting into view] I'M BATMAN! [laughs manically as he flaps his arms like wings]

[outside]

Chase:
Your secret is safe. He is definitely a wacko.

Bruce:
"Wacko". That a... technical term?

[Chase chuckles slightly]

Bruce:
Listen... [returns her Malaysian dream warden doll] I won't be needing this anymore. Thank you for giving me a new dream.

[they kiss]

Chase:
Don't work too late.

Edward Nygma:
Okay Now I've got it! Ha! "Too many questions. There's too many questions. "Too many..." I'll show you it works!

Fred Stickley:
What the hell is going on here? I told you this project is terminated! I'm calling Security!

Edward Nygma:
Caffeine will kill you! [knocks Stickley unconscious with a coffee pot]

Harvey Dent/Two-Face:
The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire... IS DRIVING US INSANE!!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face:
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE?!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face:
[before falling to his death] Yes, of course you're right, Bruce. Emotions are always the enemy of true justice... thank you... you've always been a good friend.

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
[sees Bruce Wayne entering from cubicle] Oh my God, it's him! [to himself] I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner.

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
I simply love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. [laughs] Beautiful! [Takes one of his boxes and puts it on the dark side of the room] It's so dark and gothic and disgustingly decadent [Gestures Spice over with a snarl, then takes a box to the light side]... yet so bright and chipper and conservative! [Urges Sugar over with a whistle] [Back to the dark side; speaking sinisterly] It's so you... [to the light side, speaking operatic] And yet so you! Very few people are both a summer and a winter, but... you pull it off quite nicely.

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?!?!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
This is your brain on the Box. This is my brain on the Box! DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE A FRIED EGG?!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
JOYGASM!!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler:
Your entrance was good; his was better. The difference? Showmanship!

Alfred Pennyworth:
Broken wings mend in time. One day, Robin will fly again.

Alfred Pennyworth:
[discussing Dick with Bruce] Young men with a mind for revenge need little encouragement. They need guidance. You, above all, should know the consequences of the life you choose.