Claude Elsinore:
And I'd like to point out that these tapes have not been faked, or altered in any way. In fact they have time coding, which is very hard to fake.

The Judge:
Would you please explain for the court "time coding."

Claude Elsinore:
Well, uh, just because I don't know what it is, it doesn't mean I'm lying.

Doug McKenzie:
Figures you wouldn't know how to work it if it's got a computer.

Bob McKenzie:
Oh yeah, Mister Wizard, you know, eh...

Doug McKenzie:
Let me try, I'm a genius.

Bob McKenzie:
I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.

Bob MacKenzie:
My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven, this sucks.

Doug McKenzie:
I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.

Bob McKenzie:
He saw Jedi 17 times, eh.

Doug McKenzie:
The power of the force has stopped you, you hosers.

Bob McKenzie:
He once got our dead battery goin' by mixin' bird feces and spit, cause there's like acids in it, eh?

Doug McKenzie:
We hope you enjoyed the beer, oh, like I mean the movie, eh.

Bob McKenzie:
Eh, hosehead, once you get there you can have all the free beer and sausages you want.

Bob McKenzie:
If I didn't have puke breath, I'd kiss you.

Bob McKenzie:
This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?

Bob McKenzie:
I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it.

Pam Elsinore:
You know how to handle one of those big rigs?

Bob McKenzie:
Jeez, it's a ten-speed.

Doug McKenzie:
Yeah, sure, o' corse, like, uh, we drive 'em, all the time, eh.

Pam Elsinore:
Well take off, eh.

Doug McKenzie:
Yeah. OK, well, uh, we found, uh, this mouse in a bottle of YOUR BEER, eh. Like, we was at a party and, uh, a friend of ours - a COP - had some, and HE PUKED. And he said, uh, come here and get free beer or, uh, he'll press charges.

Brewmeister Smith:
I could crush your scull - like a nut - but I'm not going to - because I need you.

Bob McKenzie:
I was like a one-man army, like Charlton Heston in "Omega Man." You ever see it? Beauty.

Bob McKenzie:
I do.

Doug McKenzie:
I do.

Bob McKenzie:
I guess we're married Clark.

Doug McKenzie:
Oh.

Bob McKenzie:
Where's the honeymoon?

The Judge:
Order, Order.

Bob McKenzie:
Gimmie a toasted back bacon, hold the toast

Doug McKenzie:
Don't make me laugh, eh.

The Judge:
I remind you not to speak, until you are spoken to.

Bob McKenzie:
He's startin' to sound like the old man, soon he'll be sending me out for beers.

Parking attendant:
Hey, you! Six-fifty!

Jean LaRose:
All I got's two fives!

Parking attendant:
He broke the gate! Then he took my jacket!... And he hit me!