Zack Stone:
Mr. Gaunt, how do you advise someone when he has to make a difficult decision? They have two choices and they don't like either of them.

Gaunt, the undertaker:
I tell them a third choice is always possible.

Zack Stone:
Really!

Gaunt, the undertaker:
Yes, and that's when I bring out the mahogany casket. It's pricier than a pine or a walnut, but it's worth it.

Undertaker Gaunt:
I bring unfortunate tidings. Your father has met an untimely alleviation of existence.

Zack Stone:
What?

Undertaker Gaunt:
He's dead!

Lash:
You better watch your mouth, Crawley, or I'll put a window in your head!

Zack Stone:
Now don't get me wrong. I have great respect for women like you and Miss Kitty who manage to maintain their dignity and their loneliness in a hellhole like Oblivion. I want you to know that I am here for you... as your Marshal, as your friend, or anything else you damn well need me to be.

Mattie Chase:
Zack, I haven't had sex in three years.