Casey Schuler:
I hate this bug.

Colonel Sam Daniels:
Oh, come on, Casey. You have to admire its simplicity. It's one billionth our size and it's beating us.

Casey Schuler:
So, what do you want to do, take it to dinner?

Colonel Sam Daniels:
No.

Casey Schuler:
What, then?

Colonel Sam Daniels:
Kill it.

Casey Schuler:
How many brain cells did I kill?

Sam Daniels:
How many? About a billion.

Casey Schuler:
Oh, now I'm only as smart as you.

Sam Daniels:
What can we give him to kill his sense of humor?

Mrs. Pananides:
I have a friend in the Coast Guard, all I have to do is call...

Daniels:
How close a friend?

Mrs. Pananides:
Closer than his wife would like.

Sam Daniels:
If you think I'm lying, drop the bomb. If you think I'm crazy, drop the bomb. But don't drop the bomb just because you're following orders!

Colonel Sam Daniels:
Sir, what did I ever do to make your life miserable?

General Billy Ford:
You got up this morning, didn't you?

Col. Sam Daniels:
Just don't get negative on me.

Major Salt:
Affirmative.

Sergent Meyer:
Sir, my pilot is taking a leak.

Col. Sam Daniels:
A leak? No shit!

Colonel Sam Daniels:
You know Salt, fear gets a bad rap. I don't want anybody in my outfit that doesn't get scared.

Major Salt:
Then I'm your man sir.

Colonel Sam Daniels:
Anything I can do to help?

Major Salt:
Just don't make me nervous.

General McClintock:
With all due respect, Colonel Daniels, if you do not follow us to Travis Air Force Base, I will blow you out of the sky.

Daniels:
General, with all due respect, fuck you, sir.

Colonel Sam Daniels:
George, you've heard about this virus?... Shall I cough on you, George?

Colonel Sam Daniels:
We are fugitives of the law. Idiocy is our only option.

Major Salt:
Yes... Major?

Sam Daniels:
Why don't you just for once take a chance?