Mahoney:
Never fool with a fuzz ball.

Lt. Mauser:
You're not playing with a full deck, are you?

Sergeant Proctor:
Oh, I don't play cards.

Lt. Mauser:
Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.

Mahoney:
You wanted to see me, sir?

Lt. Mauser:
Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?

Mahoney:
It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight.

Lt. Mauser:
Let me see your piece. Why isn't there any ammo in here?

Officer Hooks:
I was afraid it would go off.

Lt. Mauser:
Oh, you were afraid it would go off were you? That's one on Hooks

Officer Hooks:
What's my job sir?

Lt. Mauser:
You? You get a desk and a cushy little chair.

Officer Hooks:
Asshole.

Lt. Mauser:
That's two.

Sgt. Vinnie:
Bunky? Bunky how many times do I have to tell you? The litter box, the litter box.

Sgt. Vinnie:
Look at that. A half eaten chocolate bar. It's hardly been touched. Do you want some?

Mahoney:
No thanks.

Sgt. Vinnie:
They took him to my place?

Greengrocer:
Not on broccoli!

Chief Hurst:
Mauser, you're the most incredible ass-kisser I have ever seen.

Lt. Mauser:
Thank you very much, sir. I do my best.

Lt. Mauser:
Hey, wait a minute! My hands are stuck with my head! What the fuck?

Sergeant Proctor:
Hightower!

Officer Moses Hightower:
Yo!

Lt. Mauser:
Yo?

Officer Moses Hightower:
Yo, sir!

Lt. Mauser:
Yo, sir... You must be from the south! That's "Yes, sir." You got foot patrol.