The Postal Dude:
Only my weapon understands me.

The Postal Guy:
Buttsauce!

The Postal Dude:
You probably thought you weren't goin' to die today? Surprise!

The Postal Dude:
Guns don't kill you, I kill you!

The Postal Dude:
I know what you're thinking, but the funny thing is, I don't even LIKE videogames...

The Postal Dude:
Here I was, just enjoying my Second Amendment rights, and you people have to freak out on me!

The Postal Dude:
The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine.

The Postal Dude:
Hey I'm just trying to exercise my second-amendment rights here ya fuckin' Communist!

The Postal Dude:
You probably think I'm not a nice person...

The Postal Dude:
Please don't think I'm a bigot, I kill races equally...