Judy Benjamin:
Now I know what I've been faking all these years.

Henri Tremont:
That was your first?

Judy Benjamin:
And second.

Judy Benjamin:
I think they sent me to the wrong place.

Capt. Lewis:
Uh-huh.

Judy Benjamin:
See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms.

Judy Benjamin:
To be truthful with you, I can't sleep in a room with 20 strangers.

Capt. Lewis:
Oh dear.

Judy Benjamin:
And I mean look at this place. The army couldn't afford drapes? I'll be up at the crack of dawn here!

Judy Benjamin:
Have you seen the bathroom?

Capt. Lewis:
Do you think that the latrine... do you think that it's unsanitary?

Judy Benjamin:
It's disgusting! There are *urinals* in there!

Sgt. Ross:
Everybody up! Everybody, Benjamin!

Judy Benjamin:
Oh god, you can't mean me. I worked the night shift! Go check out the bathroom, it's FABULOUS.

Judy Benjamin:
Has anybody ever died from basic?

Capt. Lewis:
Benjamin, you are not FIT to wear that uniform.

Judy Benjamin:
No shit!

Judy Benjamin:
What do you want from me? I didn't ask her to punish everybody! Do you think I like schlepping in the rain all day and all night?

Pvt. Winter:
Just keep marching, Benjamin.

Judy Benjamin:
My name is Judy! J-U-D-Y Judy and I'd like somebody to call me by my name! Oh, okay I took my life in my own hands, I made a mistake fine I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! I wanna wear my sandals... I wanna go out to lunch. I wanna be NORMAL again!

Sgt. Ross:
Beware ... there are mine fields out there. Most of them are inert. However, some of them are ert.

Harriet Benjamin:
It's November here, Kissy.

Teddy Benjamin:
It's November everywhere, genius.

Judy Benjamin:
Don't bad French artists have telephones?

Judy Benjamin:
Daddy--Mom just fainted.

Judy Benjamin:
Henri, you are a shmuck.