Bernard and the Genie 
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Charles Pinkworth: That's a good point, Bernard. That's a fully-fledged bastard of a good point.
Frank Kepple: If you ever need anything, you just call and I'll be up there faster than a poker up a pervert.
Bernard Bottle: So all I have to do is wish?
Genie: As far as I know; the training for this stupid job is practically nonexistent.
Genie: Say the words "I wish" with the caution you would normally reserve for "Please castrate me."
Genie: I can see it now: the loving relatives, the priest, the staggeringly-attractive best man, the shagged-out bridesmaids...
Genie: One day I was in the Temple when they tried to turn it into a supermarket; Jesus went in there and kicked ass!
Bernard Bottle: Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Genie: Yes, but with smaller pectorals.
Bernard Bottle: But now, I'm as happy as Michelle Pfeiffer's underpants.
Charles Pinkworth: Suddenly my gold fountainpen has gone missing. I am therefore yours in crayon.
Genie: And you are a very large turd in a horrible pink shirt.
Charles Pinkworth: I beg your BLOODY pardon?