Lori Seefer:
So what's Hell like? Is it hot with burning fires?

Ted Gavin:
No, it's a lot like Hollywood only with more agents.

Lori Seefer:
Ewew!

Ted Gavin:
I'm kidding! It's like I'm in this weird limbo state where I'm forced to watch my sad pathetic life over and over again. It's like a made-for-TV-movie, but with narration.

Maria:
Has a woman ever made love to you? Hmmm?

Fiona Covington:
Colin, what's wrong? Is there something wrong?

Colin Truemans:
Afraid so darling, I want a divorce.

Brianna:
I think that guy who plays Henry on Dawson's Creek is cute.

Tatianna:
Jennifer Radley slept with him. She said he broke last week's record.

Brianna:
Isn't she a dyke?

Tatianna:
Nah, she's just outdoorsy.

Brianna:
The gay look is so in these days.

Brianna:
I heard that Connie Travers is having her whole body LIFO suctioned.

Tatianna:
She's such an oxygen thief.