Phoebe:
And as for the father of our country, let me tell you, he may have been hell on the battlefield, but in bed, he was as wooden as his teeth!

Phoebe:
Well, you can say that the night is full of danger, but you know, to the night, you're not a stranger. You know what I mean?

Ralph:
Mona, I'm a vampire.

Mona:
And I'm the bride of Frankenstein.

Ralph:
No seriously, Mona, it's the truth. I'm not a bad vampire--I am a bad vampire--I'm not very good at it, I don't bite people -- but I am a vampire!

Ralph:
If it wasn't for Red Cross donations, this vampire would die!

Stanley:
I'm thinking of starting my own record label, you know -- "Morgue Music," or "Death Records," or maybe just "R.I.P." It's sort of catchy, don't you think?

Stanley:
You might say I have a -- a STAKE in what happens to you. I mean, I think Rockula's gonna take off like a bat out of hell. The world is full of bloodsuckers and I would hate for anything to happen to you!