Biloxi Blues1988

Sergeant Toomey:
Hey, Fred Astaire, you tryin' to tell me something?

Arnold Epstein:
I have to go to the bathroom, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey:
You can't do that. We don't have "bathrooms" in the Army.

Arnold Epstein:
They had them at Fort Dix.

Sergeant Toomey:
Not bathrooms, they didn't

Arnold Epstein:
Yes, they did. I went in them a lot.

Sergeant Toomey:
I'm tellin' you, we don't have any "bathrooms" on this base. Do you doubt my veracity?

Arnold Epstein:
No, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey:
Then you've got a problem, don't you Epstein?

Arnold Epstein:
Ho ho.

Sergeant Toomey:
You bet your ass ho ho. You know why you've got a problem?

Arnold Epstein:
Because I've got to go real bad.

Sergeant Toomey:
No, son. You've got a problem because you don't know Army terminology. The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, sh*t, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.