Eddie Murphy: Delirious1983

Eddie Murphy:
[as his drunk father] Your wife's a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus? Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she? That's why the b*tch's moustache is so motherf***in' thick... 'cause you shaved the b*tch down and taught her to speak. I know a motherf***in' Bigfoot when I see one! Don't bring a Bigfoot into my home, Gus! With my children? The b*tch can't talk! She can't walk a flight of steps! She's not trained well, Gus! She can *not* walk steps! I'll bet she climbs the f*** outta trees, though, don't she, Gus? Doesn't she? DOESN'T SHE? But you got to not bring her around here - f*** her! And your motherf***in' children? They're Bigfeet, too. They're half-Bigfoot, Gus, 'cause the motherf***ers is 6 years old and have Afros 17 inches long. They're little hairy motherf***ers, just like their mother. Look at the motherf***ers! You know how I found out they was Bigfoot - when I realized your wife was a Bigfoot when I took your kids fishing last week. I put the motherf***ers in the boat, Gus, and I took the worm and I put it on the hooks. And they both sat there, and they put their poles down in the motherf***in' boat, and slammed their faces in the water for 2 minutes! And I think, "What the f*** are these kids doin'?" Then they start moving their heads like this

[quickly shakes head back and forth]

Eddie Murphy:
and the motherf***ers come up with fish! I jumped back and said, "Can you believe this motherf***in' sh*t?" Then the kid took the fish out his mouth and looked at his brother and said, "Goonie-Goo-Goo." What the f*** is going on here? Normal kids don't do sh*t like that, Gus. But I'm gonna tell you something, motherf***er. You can take your motherf***in' hairy fat-ass wife moustache b*tch out the f***, you can go upstairs and get the motherf***in' dog and scoop up the sh*t and take Eddie and get these mothaf***in' long Angela Davis afro-wearin' motherf***in' kids of yours and put them in the motherf***ing "Goonie-Goo-Goo"-mobile and get the f*** out! And if my wife don't like that, she can get the f*** out, too!

[Eddie mimes his shoe-throwing noise]

Eddie Murphy:
You missed me, b*tch!