A Creditor: Your own mother might not know you. Your own wife might not know you. And you might put on all the uniforms and all the whiskers and all the wigs in the world. But, as long as you owe me money, I would know you.
A Jewish Barber: I'm sorry but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black men, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each others' happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls; has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge as made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these things cries out for the goodness in man; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say "Do not despair." The misery that has come upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to these brutes who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle and use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are men! With the love of humanity in your hearts! Don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to the happiness of us all. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us unite! Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up! Look up, Hannah! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier world, where men will rise above their greed, their hate and their brutality. Look up, Hannah! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope! Look up, Hannah! Listen!
A-ko: What are you up to?
B-ko: Isn't it obvious?
A-ko: So why do you need a giant toilet?
B-ko: This looks NOTHING like a toilet!
A-ko: Then what is it?
B-ko: An anti-submersible skimmer.
A-ko: Really? Looks like a toilet to me.
A-ko: What sort of deal do you mean? If it's money you want, I'm broke.
Maruten: I don't need money.
A-ko: Then what? Oh, I get it! You want my body! That must be it! I'm so young and pretty.
A-ko: "Please, no more! I beg you! No more!" To be the play-toy of this ludicrous bulb-head, for my entire life! I'll die, without discovering the joys of true love. But that doesn't matter, I'll gladly sacrifice my life, to save B-ko.
Maruten: I'm sorry, but we seem to have a terrible misunderstanding.
A-Wax: in an emergency room Give us a motherfuckin' doctor!
Nurse #1: You'll have to fill out these forms first.
Ronnie: Bitch, fuck the forms! We need a doctor! He's bleeding to death over there!
A. J. MacInerney: Oh, and Leon, don't be the nice, sweet guy from Brooklyn on this one. Do what the NRA does.
Leon Kodak: What, scare the shit out of them?
A. J. MacInerney: Exactly.
Leon Kodak: I can do that.
A. J. MacInerney: Sir, it's immediate, it's decisive, it's low-risk, and it's a proportional response.
President Andrew Shepherd: Someday someone's going to have to explain to me the virtue of a proportional response.
A.D.C.: Ah, here's your ticket, Monsieur Poirot. I'm afraid you've still got another hour.
Hercule Poirot: Then, please, do not wait.
A.D.C.: Not wait? Hah. After all you've done for us, Monsieur Poirot? Ha ha. Oh. Uh, my general's orders were to ensure your safe departure. He also wished to thank you again for saving the honour of the British garrison in Jordan. The Brigadier's, uh, confession was opportune. I say, how did you do it? Was it the old, uh, thumbscrew, you know, the rack, huh?... Oh. Well, uh, you'll be able to rest as soon as you get to Stamboul. The, uh, the Church of Santa Sophia is absolutely magnificent.
Hercule Poirot: You have seen it?
A.D.C.: No.
A.J.: ...you know, I got to tell her that I, uh, well, you know, that I uh...
Joe: love her.
A.J.: Yeah, now how do I do that?
Joe: You say I love you. What do you want, written instructions?
A.J.: Excuse me, Mr. President, I just got off the phone with the federal mediator in St. Louis. Management just walked away from the table; the baggage handlers, pilots and flight attendants are all getting set to walk out in forty-eight hours.
President Andrew Shepherd: You know, I studied under a Nobel Prize-winning economist, and you know what he taught me?
A.J.: Never have an airline strike at Christmas?
A.J.: Good night, Mr. President.
President Andrew Shepherd: A.J.?
A.J.: Yes, sir?
President Andrew Shepherd: When we're out of the office, and alone, you can call me Andy.
A.J.: I beg your pardon, sir?
President Andrew Shepherd: You were the best man at my wedding, for crying out loud. Call me Andy.
A.J.: Whatever you say, Mr. President.
A.J.: Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...
Joe: Oh yeah, my wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?
A.J.: Oh yeah, definitely.
A.J.: Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas: In this life there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.: Well, that's good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas: That's an excellent time.
A.J.: Mr. President, this is an election year. If you're looking for female companionship, we can make certain arrangements that will ensure total privacy.
President Andrew Shepherd: I don't want you to get me a girl, A.J.! What is this, Vegas?
A.J.: No sir, this is the White House.
A.J.: Nice shot, Mr. President.
President Andrew Shepherd: Nice shot, Mr. President? You won't even call me by my name when we're playing pool?
A.J.: I will not do it playing pool, I will not do it in a school. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am.
A.J.: This is great. We just happen to run into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid.
Lev Andropov: I told you, you took the wrong way, the wrong road.
A.J.: What? What road? Do you see any roads here?
A.J.: What's with you? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What's with you today?
Lucas: What's with today today?
