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Satan (Darren):
You know what's gonna happen now? You see all this slush? All of this is about to be our circle. We're gonna be swimming in this stuff.

Troy:
I'll tell you what you do. You just go kill Eric and you take over his circle. You'd beat Treachery at his own game.

Satan (Darren):
I like it. I'm in.

[cuts to next scene where Troy tell Eric that Satan gonna kill him]

Troy:
Darren's gonna kill you tonight.

Eric:
I knew that. I also knew that you would come blabbing to me about it.

Troy:
Still though. Pretty treacherous. Yeah, I just thought I'd show you how I'd be perfect for your inner circle.

Eric:
Well, we prize loyalty above all.

Eric:
[laughs] I'm kidding. You got a card?

Troy:
Oh!

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Gary Bunda:
[drunk] Well, what are we gonna do, Darren?

Satan (Darren):
I said to call me Satan!

Gary Bunda:
[drunk] It may be the pee-pee talking, but I'm telling how it is.

Satan (Darren):
Shut up. Shut up.

Gary Bunda:
And if I'm gonna be sitting all day with a bunch of people who are not who they say they are, then I'm gonna have some appetizers.

Satan (Darren):
[to Bartender] Cut him off, alright?

[The Bartender takes Gary's drink away from him]

Gary Bunda:
[drunk] Oh, whoa.

Satan (Darren):
[to Bartender] Give it back to him. It'll be worse.

Gary Bunda:
[drunk] Might as well just order some appetizers.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Troy:
So -- So we're just a circle?

Satan (Darren):
You know in a public school when they've overflow and they've got those trailers?

Troy:
We're the trailer kids?

Satan (Darren):
We're the trailer kids.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Troy:
All in all, it was a pretty dynamic presentation.

Satan (Darren):
Let's not talk about it.

Gary Bunda:
I just can't believe your real name's Darren and you're not really Satan. You've been lying this whole time.

Satan (Darren):
Hey, you call me Satan. [looks both ways] But not in front of the real Satan, you got it?

Gary Bunda:
We got it.

Satan (Darren):
Yeah.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Eric:
Darren, the pulled pork is gonna get soggy with my slush, man.

Satan (Darren):
Uh, slush?

Eric:
Oh, when I -- When I take over your circle, we're flooding your entire area with my vile, inescapable slush, D.

Real Satan:
We have to streamline. We're folding Miscellaneous into Treachery, and we've appointed Eric to head up that circle.

Satan (Darren):
No! [chuckles] Miscellaneous, that's -- Uh, that's my circle.

Eric:
Well, it was your circle, but, uh, I had some guys do a 3-D simulation of how the merger's actually gonna go down, so...

Real Satan:
Yeah, it's --

Eric:
It's behind you.

[the presentation shows a 3-D simulation of Eric blowing up Satan's circle covered in green slush ooze]

Eric:
Boom! [laughs] Look at you, Darren, running.

Real Satan:
At midnight, we are going to explode the ridge between the two circles, and two will become one!

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Darren tries to do a speech about planning Radical Islam]

Satan (Darren):
How are we going to deal with the recent influx of radical jihadists? I have a multi-pronged -- Uh, t-- At least two prongs to the problem, hopefully. W-When I speak, I'm -- I'm --

[Gary and Troy shows up for the Circle]

Satan (Darren):
[pretends] How...dare you interrupt my presentation, you lowly imps! But since you did, you should plug in the USB cord into that computer.

[Gary gives the computer to Satan for the presentation of Radical Islam]

Satan (Darren):
Here we go. First slide, here we go. Behold.

[the slide shows a presentation of a gay married picture of Radical Islam]

Satan (Darren):
The f*** am I looking at?

Gary Bunda:
[whispering] We're gonna gay marry them. We're gonna put them all in burqas so they don't know who they're gay married to.

Satan (Darren):
We are gonna gay marry them. We're gonna dress them up in burqas --

Gary Bunda:
So they don't know who they're gay married --

Satan (Darren):
...they don't know who they've gay married then.

Real Satan:
I-I don't -- Do we really want to incite them, Darren?

Troy:
Darren? Who's Darren?

Satan (Darren):
It's a nickname.

Eric:
They are well organized and highly motivated, Darren. They dug a tunnel into purgatory, stoned a bunch of dudes.

Kip:
Yeah, and one of them hid a knife under his own leg bone. They are hard core, Darren.

Gary Bunda:
[to Satan] But they won't be doing that when they're too busy having gay sex with each other.

Satan (Darren):
Next slide. Just go to the next slide.

[Gary clicks the next slide]

Satan (Darren):
So, as you can see, we are going to contain these jihadists in a canyon surrounded by brown spikes.

Gary Bunda:
Pork. It's pulled pork.

Satan (Darren):
[tired] Pulled pork.

Satan (Darren):
And -- And it's covered, as you can see, with blood.

Gary Bunda:
Barbecue sauce.

Satan (Darren):
Barbecue sau-- Barbecue blood sau-- Bloody barbecue sauce.

Gary Bunda:
No, it's regular barbecue.

Satan (Darren):
No, it's regular barbecue sauce.

Troy:
Muslims don't eat pork. And...they don't drink.

Gary Bunda:
Which is why what we're gonna do that is put a stream of vodka throughout the whole valley. They'll hate that.

Satan:
[to Gary] Hit the next slide.

Gary Bunda:
There are no more slides.

Troy:
That's our last slide.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Kip:
And thanks to the good work of our mascot, Cornelius J. Cornchip, doing snack cake giveaways in third-world countries, I'm glad to say that Gluttony is leading the way to a more diverse path in 2016.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Satan (Darren):
[to Troy on phone] I need a PowerPoint presentation on meeting the challenges of radical Islam. I need it 20 minutes and it takes 10 minutes to get here.

Troy:
Uh, sure, yeah. No problem. Where are you?

Satan (Darren):
North of Diarrhea Lagoon, past Pus Valley.

Troy:
Past Pus Valley? Isn't that the edge of Hell?

Satan (Darren):
Yeah, there's uh, there's more Hell. I'll explain when you get here. Just don't be late.

Troy:
Yes. Yes, sir.

[Troy puts the phone away]

Troy:
[to Kamal] Answer your own f***ing phone next time.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Troy answers Kamal's phone while he still has chop sticks up his nose]

Troy:
What?

Satan (Darren):
Kamal? Who is this?

Troy:
It's Satan! Everybody whip!

[all the demons pretend to do the whip cracking to make it sound like a real whipping]

Troy:
Hi, Satan!

Satan (Darren):
Kamal.

Troy:
No, it's Troy. You're gonna have to talk a little louder because of ALL THE WHIPPING!

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Real Satan:
Darren, I'm very excited to hear about what we're gonna do about radical Islam.

Satan (Darren):
Uh... [chuckles] No, no. I'm -- I'm doing, uh, "Things Up the Ass in 2016." I've got this great --

Eric:
No. No, no, no. Terry in Lust is doing "Things Up the Ass." D-D-Did you not get the e-mail?

Satan (Darren):
Uh, radical Islam. I can -- Two hours, right?

Eric:
Nope. Nope, nope. Moved it up. It's in 20 minutes.

Satan (Darren):
[clears throat while doing hand movements]

Eric:
You really got to check your e-mail, bud.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Kamal:
I have a question. Why do you praise yourself in the third person?

Satan:
Well, obvious I'm Satan, so that's uh -- That's a joke.

Kamal:
Oh.

Satan:
Satan like the ladies. Satan don't play that. You know, that's all.

Kamal:
I get. But what about this on the first slide? Why does it say that your name is Darren? [worried] Is that also comedy?

Satan (Darren):
Darren's such a ridiculous name. You ever -- Ever use these?

Kamal:
Chop sticks? Yeah, you know, d-depending on the cuisine sometimes.

Satan (Darren):
Just had some Chinese food. I had some, uh, moo shu pork.

Kamal:
Oh, moo shu's a real funny -- Funny name.

Satan:
Yeah, it's funny. I can still smell the moo shu. Do you smell that? Yeah?

Kamal:
Like soy sauce?

Satan:
Mhmm.

Kamal:
And I'm getting a little ginger, maybe turmeric?

Satan:
Oh, there you go. Yeah.

[Satan forcefully shoves the chop sticks up Kamal's nose]

Satan:
Oh, wait, uh, where's the clicker thing? I need the click--

Kamal:
[strained muttering while pointing towards the record player]

Satan:
Attaboy.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Satan:
The newer tablets are portable and thinner than ever, but not so small when being forced inside a human rectum.

Satan:
[to Kamal] Slide.

[Kamal slides Satan's card presentations]

Satan:
And of course, the classics -- Curling irons, lava, spikes, popcorn. We're shoving the most cutting-edge technology up people's asses, and now with 3-D printers, the only limit is our imagination.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[to Shark on phone] Hello?

Shark:
Did you found my record?

[cuts to next scene where Mouse finds a random severed hand]

Shark:
You found it, didn't you?

Shark:
Now, spin it.

– 12 oz. Mouse (2005)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Roostre:
You know radar is spelled backwards is radar. Did you know that?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
[pauses]

Roostre:
You're thinkin' about it ain't ya?

Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald:
Maybe.

– 12 oz. Mouse (2005)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Fitz shoots one of Shark's cameras inside his house]

Shark:
Now, little guy's cameraphobic. Should have known.

– 12 oz. Mouse (2005)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Gary and Benji watch their last orientation video for over 50 years]

Gary Bunda (as Satan):
[rapping] Straight Outta The Alphabet. That's the name of this cassette. Can I buy a vowel? You know you got five. Unless you want to count sometimes "Y". As in the question...

Gary Bunda:
[muffled] You know what is most surprising of all?

Benji:
[muffled] What?

Gary Bunda:
[muffled] I sound black.

Benji:
[muffled] You do.

Gary Bunda:
I really sound black.

Gary Bunda:
[muffled] If I could close my eyes, I would be like, "Is that Harley Davidson Jr.?" I can't think of a black man's name right now, I'm in too much pain.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Gary and Benji see the final result of the Alphabet video on cinema]

Gary Bunda:
You guys are in for a show. [chuckles] Where's everybody else?

Satan:
Oh, no, it's just you two. Let's get 'em strapped in.

[Gary and Benji have been strapped into their watching torture chambers to see their video for a long time]

Satan:
I've got some, uh, eye drops here in case you guys need a little moisture.

Gary Bunda:
[muffled] I can't reach the eye droppers.

Satan:
And, uh, we'll see you guys in, like, 50 years.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Benji:
No cuts, three cameras -- Like a telethon. [to Gary] And we need to repair your instrument. I need some hot tea with lemon -- ASAP!

Dizzay:
We ain't got no lemons down here.

Benji:
There's a whole box of lemons over by Paper Cuts.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

[Gary makes another letter orientation video in the Hot Liquids]

Gary Bunda:
[rapping hoarsely] Two of these and the name Jeff. And that's my rhyme about the letter "F".

Gary Bunda:
[hoarsely] Cut! Alright, we nailed it. Okay. Alright, everybody, um...alright, action. We need action on the other set. Quiet on this different set. Action on the other set, though. Alright, so action -- Other set.

VC (as Princess Leia):
[rapping] Straight Outta The Letter "C". It sound like the letter "D"

Gary Bunda:
Who's rapping incoherently?

VC (as Princess Leia):
I'm rapping.

Gary Bunda:
Why are you rapping?

VC (as Princess Leia):
You called action.

Gary Bunda:
I called action on the other set, V.C.!

VC:
Oh, I --

Gary Bunda:
Alright, yes. You are wrong, I am right. [coughs] Next, we're gonna be doing the letter "G," as in ghost." So...action on the other-other set.

VC (as Princess Leia):
[rapping] It sound like the letter "C".

Gary Bunda:
I swear to Christ, V.C., I'm gonna split you in half.

VC (as Princess Leia):
[rapping] It sound like the letter "D".

Gary Bunda:
You are FIRED! YOUR -- YOUR OLD ASS IS FIRED! EVERYBODY'S FIRED! YOU are fired, YOU are fired, YOU are fired, YOU are fired, YOU are fired, YOU are fired -- Everybody's fired! [sobs] I'm fired.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Satan:
Hey, listen, Gar, I hate to tell you this, but I badly need more of these videos.

Gary Bunda:
Oh, sure thing, B. How many you need? You know I love to work.

Satan:
I need a Straight Outta video for every letter of the alphabet.

Gary Bunda:
All 20...?

Satan:
26...uh, of the letters.

Gary Bunda:
26.

Satan:
Straight Outta A, Straight Outta B...you get it. I want 'em all.

Gary Bunda:
Cool -- Cool 'mo B, absolutely.

Satan:
Alright.

Gary Bunda:
I'm gonna -- Yeah.

Satan:
Hit it.

Gary Bunda:
Dizzy fo' shizzy, absolutely. Um, what is the deadline on all that?

Satan:
Oh, tomorrow. I'm gonna screen them in the auditorium for everyone.

Gary Bunda:
Do you mind if I ask, like, why the whole alphabet?

Satan:
I mind.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Ted (as Princess Leia):
[rapping] Straight Outta Understanding How to Log Into Your E-mail. You don't wanna have an E-mail fail. Are you gonna log onto your E-mail? Here's to logging into E-mail.

Gary Bunda:
Okay, hang on. Cut, cut, cut, cut! Did you write these raps?

Ted (as Princess Leia):
Yes, these are my rhymes.

Gary Bunda:
Yeah, of course they rhyme It's because you're saying the same G.D. word, Ted! "You got to log into your E-mail. You're gonna be forced to eat a whole bunch of kale. Or you're gonna have to have sex with a she-male." You see what I'm saying?

Ted (as Princess Leia):
Are we allowed to say "she-male"?

Gary Bunda:
No, Ted, you pig! Did you not watch "Straight Outta Workplace Sensitivity Training"? The Force is not with you, my friend. Take the buns off! [as Yoda] A rapper you are not.

Gary Bunda:
Y'all too white. E'rybody in this dang room is too white, but me. I'm the blackest man that's ever been. I'm as black as Oprah's pocketbook. Black as 85% Whole Foods dark chocolate!

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

VC:
And the "Straight Outta How to R-Repair the Network" video goes on this whole rigamarole about R2-D2 and C-T3P.

Satan:
[pronouncing] C-3PO.

VC:
I just didn't find any of that helpful.

Satan:
Your fly is down.

VC:
Oh. Excuse me. [zip]

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Troy:
Every one of these is "Straight Outta"?

Mike:
[scoffs] That's what I'm saying.

Gary Bunda:
What? How do you mean?

Troy:
You could have done "Satan's Got Racks"...

Mike:
[chuckles]

Troy:
...instead of "Baby's Got" -- like, "Baby's Got Back."

Mike:
Yeah, that's -- That's pretty funny.

Troy:
Yeah.

Mike:
That's good.

Gary Bunda:
But it's not.

Gary Bunda:
I tell you what's funny, right? Straight Outta Videos! The Straight Outta brand is very simple. It is "Straight Outta" and then a bunch of words about different subjects, right, and the only things that are the same are the words "Straight Outta" and the melody and the rhymes for each song -- And the beat.

Troy:
When did you have time to do all these?

Gary Bunda:
I did not made any one of these. I just have the boxes.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

Gary Bunda:
I'll tell you out here, this is "Straight Outta Making Walls Bleed." This is the new hot realness.

[Gary makes another orientation video again]

Gary Bunda (as Satan):
[rapping] Straight Outta Making Walls Bleed. We're about to paint this joint crimson, indeed. Uh-huh.

Gary Bunda:
Now, you're going to digitally add bleeding walls into that, right?

Mike:
[tired] Yeah. Yes, I'm gonna do that.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 month ago

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