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Satan: Back in my day, a groupie didn't follow you with a click. She followed you back to the hotel room after the show, and then the only thing that would go viral was your dong [chuckles] from herpes. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Claude: Satan, I could head this up. I died way more recently than Caleb. Caleb: Mr. Vernon, I've been here since the War of Northern Aggression. I have seniority. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Caleb: There are these abacus boxes called com-pu-tairs, and they are filled with ghost spirits. And people have these boxes on an intercontinental line on which everyone is on the line, hence "online" being the vernacular. Claude: We all know what social media is, Caleb, okay? What's your plan to get more eyeballs? Caleb: In my day, if we wanted eyeballs, we would just pluck them out of little indian babies. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
[After Gary accidentally kills Satan's dog Cerberus with chocolate, Gary tries to find a new pet that looks exactly like it with a few extra changes] Gary Bunda: Hey, uh, Claude! Can you give me a second pair of eyes on this? Okay, do you buy this? Claude: Buy it as what? Gary Bunda: What does it look like to you, first impression? Claude: It looks like a pony and then two dead dog heads. Gary Bunda: I know it does. Okay, I get it. I feel like if you squint and, like, look at it, you'd think, like "Oh, Cerberus is home." Claude: Yeah, because, uh, Satan squints now. He's just squinting and looking out of the corner of his eye, right? Gary Bunda: Do you have a spell, like, some kind of wizdry to turn it from a horse into a dog? Claude: Um... [blows air] No. That's a dumbass question. Gary Bunda: Man, do you understand how much sht I'm in? Do you understand? Do you see the situation? Claude:* Can I just -- You killed Cerberus, though. Because that -- Those are the real heads. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #1: We're in a room full of himeys, not one doctor. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Judge: Well, since this is the only of its breed in the competition. I think I could give a special participation ribbon. Cerberus #1: Yes! Gary Bunda: Booyakasha! Cerberus #2: How delightful. Cerberus #3: Alright. Thank you. Judge: However, I will have to deduct points for the mouth stains. Judge: [to Cerberus #3] Is this chocolate? Cerberus #3: Yeah, Gary bought me an easter bunny. Cerberus #2: What did I tell you? Chocolate bad, chocolate bad. Gary Bunda: No, no! It's an easter bunny! [shows a candy product] It's like 90% air! Cerberus #1: You idiot! Chocolate will kill us all! [Cerberus #3 having a seizure] Gary Bunda: He's seizing up! He's seizing up! Somebody get a spoon! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
[The dog judge touches Cerberus's balls] Judge: Hmm, above average testicular plumpness. Gary Bunda: Thank you. Cerberus #1: Sir, you have very soft hands. Not that the Jews are known or their manual labor. Cerberus #1: Not that I'm racist. No, no. Some of out finest entertainers are, in fact, Jewish. Gary Bunda: Most of them. Judge: William Shatner's Jewish. Gary Bunda: [to Cerberus #1] The Holocaust certainly was real, wasn't it? Cerberus #1: I totally believe The Holocaust...happened. Gary Bunda: We all do. The whole family does, yeah. Cerberus #1: Maybe not in the numbers they say -- You know the Jewish mass media -- But I believe that it -- It happened. To an extant. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Judge: What kind of dog is this? Gary Bunda: It's a poo-chin. Judge: Hmm. It's my experience that poo-chins are small dogs. Gary Bunda: You must not have much experience, because this is a very rare three-headed elephant poo-chin. Judge: I suppose it'll have three scrotums I'll have to clench. Gary Bunda: [laughs] You go right ahead, you pervert. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #1: Look at these dogs. I bet every single one of them's Jewish. Huh, what do you think? There's no way we win. Cerberus #1: The dog-show world is infested with Jews. He'll give the ribbon to one of these himey dogs. Gary Bunda: Stop it. Stop that. Stop with the Jew stuff, okay? The Jews are wonderful people. I mean, you got Williams Shatner, and then -- Cerberus #1: Yeah, Captain Kirk beamed down to kill Jesus, right. Gary Bunda: Or it's the guy who played Picard. Cerberus #2: No, he's from England. Gary Bunda: He -- One of the people from "Star Trek" is Jewish. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Announcer: Next up is Cerberus! Gary Bunda: [to Cerberus] Are you nervous? I'm nervous! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Gary Bunda: [to Cerberus] Let's go out there and show these guys that three heads are better than one. Except when you're putting on a shirt. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
[Gary dresses up Cerberus for a beauty pageant show] Cerberus #1: Gary, I love it. I love it. Can we make it puffier up top? Does this read that I'm a pretty dog? And more bows. I'm a bigger dog, you know. I think we need more bows. Judges like bows. Cerberus #2: I feel like a technicolor trollop. Cerberus #1: I'm not gonna lose points because of your shtty temperament! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell* (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #1: That's what a siren sounds like? Cerberus #3: Fire truck! Cerberus #2: They're more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. [cuts to the next scene where Cerberus are looking at a house burning down by Gary that also explains Cerberus's experience what a siren sounds like] [Gary and Cerberus laughing] Gary Bunda: [concerned] Are there kids in there? – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Gary Bunda: If I let you do this stuff, do you promise that you will let me tie you to the gate when we get back down to hell? Cerberus #2: Most definitely. Cerberus #1: Well, maybe. Cerberus #3: You bet. Anything. Cerberus #1: We'll discuss it. Gary Bunda: Aw, to hell with it. I mean, he's gonna cut my feet off and make me eat them anyway, so let's make a day of it. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #1: Look, Gary, speaking for me, I would l-- I want to...be pretty. Okay, I -- I said it. I want to be pretty. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #3: Ooh! I want to try chocolate. Cerberus #1: [to Cerberus #3] No, chocolate bad! Cerberus #3: Chocolate, yeah! Cerberus #1: [to Cerberus #3] Chocolate bad. Bad chocolate. Cerberus #2: [to Cerberus #3] Bad chocolate. Are you daft? – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #2: Where are the fire trucks? I should very much like to hear some sirens. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #3: I want to bark at the doggie in the water. Cerberus #1: It's a reflection. It's you, you idiot. Cerberus #3: We look very similar. I could see how you'd make that mistake. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #1: I'm gonna pee on everything. Earth is my territory now. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Gary Bunda: Satan is, like, pretty strict about this kind of stuff. Like, he's gonna rip off all my skin, and he's gonna pour a bunch of vinegar, like, into my muscles. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
[Gary realizes he brought Cerberus to Earth in the real world] Gary Bunda: Oh, sht. Oh, sht. We got to go back down. Cerberus #2: Do you feel this grass? This is grass, right? Gary Bunda: Yes, it is grass. Yes. Cerberus #3: The ceiling is blue. Gary Bunda: That is true. Cerberus #1: Hey, look over there. There's a dog with one head. FREAKING NERD! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #3: Hey, what's this fence all about anyway? Gary Bunda: This is just the gate between hell and earth. Ma, though, earth is pretty bitchin'. You'd love it. Gary Bunda: You don't even have to open up this gate. You probably just crash right through it, you're so huge, you know. [cuts to next scene where Cerberus rush through the gate to head to Earth while Gary holds on to the 3-headed dog's leash while going through many treacherous hazards] – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #2: [to Gary] You chewed us. You hornswoggled us. Cerberus #1: [to Gary] I can't believe I let you lick my butthole with that lyin' tongue of yours! – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago
Cerberus #3: Where's Dad? Where did he go? Cerberus #2: Wherever is Dad? Cerberus #1: He's gone, and he told you to tie us to the gate again, didn't he? Didn't he?! Gary Bunda: I'm not gonna do that to you, buddy, okay? [cuts to the next scene where Gary literally ties Cerberus to the gate] Gary Bunda: Let me just tie you to this gate over here. – Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)	added by timothyj.29104 2 months ago

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