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Jett Copperhead:
Hey, beelzeboob. I never wanted kids in the first place!

Gary Bunda:
We still have his precious cleaning woman.

Cleaning Woman:
Que Sucio.

Satan:
Oh, god. Get her ass out of here.

Gary Bunda:
[to Cleaning Woman] Alright, quit it. Quit it. It's supposed to be dirty.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Claude throws Jett's wife and kids into the lava]

Claude:
Watch your step. Come on, guys. Don't worry. It's fake. Just go. Alright, buddy. Life's an illusion. Alright. [South Dakota whips Claude] Hey! Come on, South Dakota. There you go.

[Claude comes back to tell Satan that Jett's family are gone]

Satan:
You watch.

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
It's gonna happen.

Claude:
I, uh, murdered the boys and the mother.

Satan:
Why?

Claude:
You just told me to.

Satan:
I got nothing! I was bluffing!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Alright, Jett! You leave me no choice! Claude --

Jett Copperhead:
Okay, alright! Fine!

Satan:
What?

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
Oh, we -- We are doing it.

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
We're doing it.

Jett Copperhead:
I hope you do.

Satan:
We are!

Jett Copperhead:
Good!

Satan:
Gonna happen.

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
We're gonna do it.

Jett Copperhead:
Okay.

Satan:
We're doing it.

Jett Copperhead:
Yeah, do it.

Satan:
We're -- We're doing it!

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
Claude --

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
We -- We're doing it.

Jett Copperhead:
Good.

Satan:
We're already doing it.

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Satan:
[to Claude] Don't do it.

Satan:
We're doing it! I just -- We got to --

Jett Copperhead:
Do you want me to do it?

Satan:
We're doing it! Do it.

Claude:
Do it?

Satan:
Do it.

Jett Copperhead:
Do it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Alright, Jett! I've got your wife and both your kids. I am gonna dump your family in the lava --

Gary Bunda:
We also have your cleaning woman. And you're gonna need to get another. Your house is gonna get all dirty, and you're gonna --

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Satan's tongue magically pulls out colored scarves]

Gary Bunda:
Do you want me to go get the nurse? So many scarves! [laughs]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Claude:
It says he'll possess ultimate powers of through death.

Satan:
No, no, no. No, no. "Until death." The clause always says until death.

Claude:
Yeah, "Until" was crossed out and changed to "Through." It's initialed.

Satan:
Are you telling me this backwoods idiot has powers equal to mine, and there's nothing I can do about it?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Satan shows up and sees Gary trapped in a box of swords]

Satan:
What's up?

Gary Bunda:
Oh, we had him. We had him for a little bit, but then...

Satan:
He asked you to volunteer, didn't he?

Gary Bunda:
Yeah.

Satan:
Yeah.

Gary Bunda:
And I did. I wanted to be in the show. You know, but then I don't think he's coming back. I don't think he's gonna finish this trick.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Claude:
Satan wants us to skin you...and turn you inside out...and add a bunch of nerve endings to you, so you're gonna feel what we're about to do to you even more.

Jett Copperhead:
Yeah, I understand. That makes sense. Sure.

Gary Bunda:
But can I ask you one question before I stick this in your penis? How did you put boobies on a man?

[Jett magically stand next to Gary in back of him]

Jett Copperhead:
Just a little thing called misdirection.

Gary Bunda:
What?! How did you do that?

[Gary saw Claude that got magically transported to a torture machine that Jett was in]

Claude:
Doesn't matter how he did it! Fix it! Do something!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Satan and his employees tries to flip the christian cross cage sending them free]

Satan:
Jett! Now the cross are upside down.

Jett Copperhead:
Sh*t. I didn't know that that was a thing.

Satan:
Yeah. It's a thing.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead on TV:
Now, some big-city liberals, they'll tell you, "Hey, he ain't real." But I'm here to tell you that he is.

Gary Bunda:
I think it's gonna be a dragon.

Jett Copperhead on TV:
And I think y'all know who I'm talking about...

Gary Bunda:
Or a gorilla. That'd be sweet.

Satan:
No, no. Jett, don't do it. Don't!

Jett Copperhead:
Speak of the devil! Whoo! I got me Satan and two of his little goblins in a cage!

Jett Copperhead:
Do not be alarmed, for this cage is lined with christian crosses to help us double cross the ultimate double crosser.

Jett Copperhead:
I need you to say with me. "Give Jett his soul back."

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
Looks like junior's got Dad's phone. Oh, and he's sending Mama a text. Check your phone, Mama. Are you receiving a text?

Pregnant Woman:
Yes. "Goo, goo, gah, gah. Can I borrow the keys to the car?

Husband:
Get that f***ing cellphone out of my wife.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
...If they have a lactation room! Whoo-wee!

[Jett pulls off the citizen's shirt wearing ladies' bra]

Gary Bunda:
Oh, snap! Oh, snap!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
He's gonna end racism.

Satan:
What?

Gary Bunda:
He can make you any color, man. So, you don't like to be chinese anymore? Boom, boom, boom. He makes you white.

Claude:
That's racist.

Gary Bunda:
It ends racism. He makes everybody the same.

Claude:
No.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
Now, sir, you hate black people. Is that correct?

Citizen:
No, no, no. No, that's not true. No, no, no.

Jett Copperhead:
[laughing] Oh. Come on, sir. You flying with the Jett now. Do you hate black people?

Citizen:
Just a little. I mean, you know, the bad ones.

Jett Copperhead:
Just the bad ones.

Jett Copperhead:
I guess you're gonna have to learn how to hate yourself. Copperhead!

[Jett puts a KKK mask on the citizen's head which transforms his face into a black guy]

Jett Copperhead:
It looks like you just found yourself some rhythm.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Uh, who's got a pen?

Jett Copperhead:
Anybody got a pen?

Gary Bunda:
I don't have a pen.

Jett Copperhead:
Pen? No? Oh, I think I know where one is.

[Jett magically pulls the pen out of Gary's butt]

Jett Copperhead:
Dipstick! [laughs] Whoa. Looks like you're a quart low.

[Gary sniffs the pen]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Jett gives one of his kid's souls to sign for the devil on backstage]

Jett Copperhead:
Alright, sign here, Dakota.

North Dakota:
Right here?

Jett Copperhead:
Alright. I just want you to initial there. Yeah.

South Dakota:
I want to sign.

Jett Copperhead:
No. Not you, South Dakota. You're good, you understand me? You're not signing anything, baby. You're my precious, little boy.

Jett Copperhead:
[to North Dakota] Did you sign that?

North Dakota:
Yeah.

Jett Copperhead:
Okay. [to South Dakota] My precious, precious boy --

Jett's Wife:
Honey? Why does this talk about our immortal soul?

Jett Copperhead:
Baby, don't read that. It's just life insurance. You know how them pinheaded lawyers are. "In the known universe," "In perpetuity," blah, blah, blah.

Jett's Wife:
It just says that the cleaning lady has to sign, so I just didn't --

Jett Copperhead:
Hey, what can I say? She's like family to me.

Jett's Wife:
Right? She is.

Jett Copperhead:
I want to have an umbrella of safety for everyone.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
I just need one more month of magic. That's it. Just one more month. I got to leave something for my kids!

Satan:
One more month. I want one more soul. One of your kids.

Jett Copperhead:
Come on! I only got the two!

Claude:
And your wife. Price just went up.

Gary Bunda:
Oh, yeah. And your cleaning woman, as well. And I'd also like some merch because I'm really starting to think that bobbleheads is a cool collection.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
It's time to come home, Jett. Maybe you got some sleeping pills to take with that booze.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Did you put your savings in a low-cost index fund as I had suggested?

Jett Copperhead:
[crying] I bet it all on a basketball game!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
I made an old gal disappear, and I can't get her back. I mean, did you have to make my powers go away in the middle of a ding-dang show?

Satan:
Four years was the ding-dang deal, Jett. Should've kept a day planner.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Jett. Wake up.

Jett Copperhead:
Oh, hey!

[Gary kicks Jett's hand for Satan's protection]

Gary Bunda:
Just don't go anywhere near him!

Satan:
Don't touch me.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
I'm such an asshole.

Gary Bunda:
[laughs] You are a f***ing asshole.

[Satan gets offended again]

Gary Bunda:
I respect you.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
I know what a computer is, Claude.

Claude:
Do you, Gary? Then what is it?

Gary Bunda:
It's a typewriter with porn in it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Jett Copperhead:
For all that you have done for this country, Copperhead!

[Jett puts the disarmed arms from the park woman and put the parts as legs for the retired veteran]

Jett Copperhead:
Now, I want you to stand up.

Jimmy:
I can't stand so good.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

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