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Saul:
Easy there, little guy. You got to be patient. Use stealth and cunning.

Lil:
Gosh, you're smart.

Saul:
Well, let's just say I learned a few things at Sleepaway Camp.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

[Saul and Lil went to the Puberty Gulch were they see the testicle monsters]

Saul:
We'll I'll be. They're cute as the Dickens.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Reporter:
Mr. Bertrum, what do you say to the families of all the crushed diggers?

Bertrum:
To make an omelet, break some eggs, uh, died as heroes -- You know, you fill in the blanks.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Lil:
[singing] I wish I had a pair of balls, for then I wouldn't be a runt. But my dad won't find the time to take me on the testicle hunt.

Saul:
[singing] Don't despair, you little guy. Wipe that tear from your eye, I will take you with the other dads to Puberty Gulch to find your nads.

Lil:
[singing] There we'll join the testicle hunt.

Saul:
[singing] So you have balls and not a uterus.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Lil:
What's the matter?

Saul:
Ask me after you go through puberty.

Lil:
[crying]

Saul:
Hey, kid, don't take it so hard. I didn't mean anything by it.

Lil:
That's just it, mister. I was supposed to go through puberty today. I need to be escorted by a guardian, but my dad was too busy to take me to catch my testicles.

Saul:
[spits water] Catch your testicles?

Lil:
I'm two months overdue to go on the great testicle hunt.

Saul:
You have to hunt down your testicles?

Lil:
Yeah! Down at Puberty Gulch. And if I don't get them soon, I could end up...intersexed.

Saul:
Well, that puts a whole new wrinkle in the puberty process.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Bertrum:
My fellow moles, the hour has come to usher in the era of thunder hole! Let the dig begin!

[the Mole Men worker gets crushed by rocks when he touched the ceiling of the surface]

Bertrum:
Good work. Next digger.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Bertrum:
Sure, there were those who called it unwise, risky, overambitious. [fake cough] Clancy!

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Clancy:
[on phone] Listen, Jim, the reason I called is I need your support to stop my brother's wicked scheme to dig into the taboo area.

Jim:
Not interested! [hangs up]

Clancy:
Son of a bitch!

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
20 days ago

Fallopia:
Please, let me explain.

Saul:
Go ahead! Try me!

Fallopia:
This thing with Johnny -- It's just incredibly passionate, transcendent sex and the deepest kind of romantic love. So, please, I cherish you as a friend...a totally sexless friend.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
21 days ago

[Saul sees Johnny and Fallopia doing sex with each other]

Saul:
What are you two doing in there?!

Johnny Tambourine:
[to Fallopia] See? I told you he wouldn't know.

Saul:
[to Fallopia] We had a date! How could you just turn around and have intercourse with Johnny Tambourine?!

Fallopia:
I think he does know, Johnny.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
21 days ago

Captain:
BTO. Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

STRATA Operator #2:
It's not Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

[the Captain steals one of the crewmate's knife and stabs him aggressively for misspelling the word]

Captain:
BTO. Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

STRATA Operator #2:
Listen, you can threaten me. You can stick that knife through his hand and into the table till the cows come home, but hear me now and hear me well. That is not Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

[the two guys then have a suspension expression fight afterwards]

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Saul:
Who are you kidding, Malone? You haven't been on a date since you followed that docent around the geology museum, and Fallopia is no Jane Geode. She's a certified knockout!

Lil:
Don't worry, mister. You'll be fine. She's just a filthy, wretched ogre. She's lucky to get a guy like you. [referring to Fallopia who is sexy human version of mole man]

Saul:
Really? You think so?

Lil:
I don't know.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Saul:
Sometimes when my nostrils gets too bushy, people think it's a booger, and it makes them self-conscious, and they start thinking they might have a booger or something else in their nostrils, and that is the last thing I want to happen with Fallopia. God knows she's suffered enough.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Saul:
[to Fallopia] No, you're beautiful.

Robot:
You're a real looker, missy. Hubba-hubba!

Johnny Tambourine:
For a human, sure, but she's a mole. Why would I want a hideous mole when I could have any mole I want?

Robot:
Johnny's right. She's a pig.

Johnny Tambourine:
Let's go find some real mole girls. Once you've gone mole, there's no other hole.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Saul:
Fallopia? That's beautiful.

Fallopia:
But you can call me what everyone else does -- A hideous mutant barely worthy of being a punching bag.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Mr. President:
How are you trying to reach your goal?

STRATA Operator #1:
By activating the DX-2, our backup drill ship.

STRATA Operator #2:
But there's a slight problem, Mr. President. The ship can only drill up. It's a design flaw.

Mr. President:
Indochina.

STRATA Operator #1:
Of course. Indochina!

Mr. President:
Indochina.

STRATA Operator #1:
We'll take the drill ship to Indochina.

Mr. President:
Indochina.

STRATA Operator #2:
That way we can drill up, straight to the center of the earth.

Mr. President:
Indochina.

STRATA Operator #1:
Pack your bags, STRATA Operator #2. We're going to Indochina.

STRATA Operator #2:
Let's go.

Mr. President:
Indochina.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Saul:
What's your name?

Fallopia:
...

Saul:
What's...your...name?

Fallopia:
...

Johnny Tambourine:
I don't think she knows how to talk.

Robot:
Do what they do to make horses talk on those tv programs. Put peanut butter in her mouth. That'll get the old gums flapping.

Saul:
Robot, that's not a half-bad idea.

– Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Hurshe:
It feels like five lips felching a rim job, but in my heart.

– The Heart, She Holler (2011)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

Sheriff:
[to Hurshe] Turns out you're more than just a gaping receptacle for my thrusting member.

– The Heart, She Holler (2011)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

Hambrosia:
Hello, dear. I got you some gifts -- A divorce, and the end of my curse.

– The Heart, She Holler (2011)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

[the directors rewrite the ending of Eddie becoming a demon sequence in a different kind of way]

Eddie:
It's too bad I had to forfeit my victory and now you're red and I'm not because you're a demon again.

Troy:
[tired] Yeah, I won, I won. I'm the demon. And I'm so happy about it.

Eddie:
I'm back to being a tortured, not with the horns and red skin that you enjoy. I guess being a demon just wasn't for me.

Troy:
Shut up, you son of a bitch! [whips Eddie]

[Matt shows up with a lower CG budget of Satan except his face, torso, and arms]

Satan:
I like this. This works. This feels right.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

Dave Willis:
Hey, Spencer. It's Dave. What's up?

Spencer:
Hey, so Eddie doesn't want to do the red paint on his face.

Dave Willis:
Uh, he's all good. I talked to him like two minutes ago. He's kind of upset, but we're -- We're all cool.

Spencer:
Well, he just texted me one minute ago, and he said definitely doesn't want to do the red paint. So, uh, maybe make him a human demon that's flesh-colored? I think that's funnier anyway. They don't all need to be red. Bye-bye.

Dave Willis:
[to Casper Kelly] No f***ing way are we doing that. We're not doing it.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

[Eddie becomes a demon after winning the Wall of The Damned]

Eddie:
I'M A DEMON! NOW AND FOREVER!

[cuts to the next scene where there's a 4th wall break when the cast crew ask one of the directors how they feel about the makeup and prop scenery]

Eddie Pepitone:
Never again, okay? Don't f***ing paint me in this red sh*t no more!

Dave Willis:
You know, everybody has to do it -- Henry, Matt...

Henry Zebrowski:
Yeah.

Dana Snyder:
And I'm a tortured now. And I'm gonna stay a tortured for the rest of the season 'cause I'm not putting that red sh*t back on.

Matt Servitto:
Dave, can't we do the red digitally now?

Dana Snyder:
Digital. There you go.

Matt Servitto:
And then we wouldn't have to sit through it. Shane, I love what you do. I love your guys' work, but we wouldn't have to do it. And these pants, these are fur. It's hot as hell in there. I mean, we could digitize the pants.

Dave Willis:
I mean, we have two more weeks of shooting. Just two more weeks, you can gut it out. I can't rewrite it.

Eddie Pepitone:
Alright. Alright, fine, fine.

Dave Willis:
You mean it?

Eddie Pepitone:
I'll do it, yeah.

Dave Willis:
Alright, thank you. Thank you so much.

Eddie Pepitone:
You're welcome.

Dave Willis:
Alright.

Intern:
Eddie's agent is on the phone.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
27 days ago

Satan:
Gentlemen, behold. The Wall of the Damned. Yeah, I rented it. It's got to be back in a couple hours.

– Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
28 days ago

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