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Healy:
Greeting Earthlings. We bring a message of --

[Healy gets shot from a kid]

Kid #1:
Where'd did you get that gun?

Kid #2:
My dad's nightstand.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
21 days ago

Gary Bunda:
A mother's job is never done.

[Gary pulled his shirt to squirt blood from his nipples for Chron to feed]

Gary Bunda:
Luckily, the restaurant's always open.

Troy:
Oh, my god. You feed it just blood? That's gross.

Gary Bunda:
Oh, I bet you would want to put Chron on formula from those corporate overloads. Well, the milk from my breast is filled with iron, and it's going to make my son strong. 'Cause when you're a mother, you're a mother 24/7...

[Gary passes out]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Satan:
What is that smell?

Gary Bunda:
It's your son. His name is Chron. [to Chron] He's made a poopy, haven't you?

Satan:
Get it out of here.

Gary Bunda:
Uh, he's not an "it." He is a unique snowflake.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Satan:
If a torture is being eaten by maggots, it is counterproductive to then stick him in acid. It kills the maggots. Think. That is a waste of maggots.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

[After Gary's baby was out of his womb, he starts to attack Troy]

Troy:
HE's RIPPING MY F***ING FACE OFF!

Gary Bunda:
DON'T YOU CURSE IN FRONT MY SON! I WANT CHRON TO BE RAISED IN A NURTURING ENVIRONMENT!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Gary Bunda:
Did you happen to bring a whole canteen of soup in here and spill it all over my knees?

Troy:
Why would I have a canteen of soup?!

[Gary's water broke that pulls out his baby while stranded inside the elevator]

Gary Bunda:
Where'd he go? I'm a mommy! [laughs]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Satan:
I made you an appointment with a great obstetrician. Troy, I want you to escort Mama Bear topside.

Gary Bunda:
Thank you so much.

Satan:
Thank you. [kisses Gary] Now, go. Go. Bring me back my son.

Gary Bunda:
I will.

Satan:
Can't wait. Love you.

Gary Bunda:
I love you.

[while Gary and Troy are inside the elevator]

Gary Bunda:
You know, I'm just impressed as to how well Satan is taking everything.

[Satan turns off the elevator]

Gary Bunda:
Oh, no, Troy. Make sure you call the OB/GYN and tell him we're gonna be late for the appointment. He is so hard to book. Oh, this is so funny.

Troy:
[realizes what trap he got into] There's no OB/GYN, Gary.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Gary Bunda:
I may be dead and in Hell, but now I have a reason to live. [to his demon baby] And so do you. [to Satan] You're gonna be a daddy. What do you think, Papa?

Satan:
You kept this from me. Are you insane? I'm gonna be a daddy? [crying] That's my boy inside there!

[Gary and Satan both sob]

Satan:
That's my boy!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Satan:
What is that?

Gary Bunda:
It's a magazine. I mean, print media is on its way up, but I'm pretty surprised how quickly you've forgotten.

Satan:
Not the magazine, you moron. THE MODEL! SHE SHOULD BE SHOWING -- NINE MONTHS PREGNANT!

Gary Bunda:
Oh, she's showing. She's got a baby bump right there.

Satan:
NO! THAT'S BABY FAT!

Gary Bunda:
[crying] Stop yelling at me.

Satan:
FOOL!

Gary Bunda:
[crying] You don't know what's happening to me. I'm a hippo!

Satan:
What -- What's going on here?

Gary Bunda:
Nothing.

Troy:
[to Satan] You accidentally crawled inside Gary's butt, and now he's having your baby, sir.

Gary Bunda:
Troy, you vegan asshole!

Troy:
He ought to know.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Gary Bunda:
There is a life force growing inside of my guts. [voice breaking] It's the biggest responsibility that I've ever had. And if Satan thinks that he can hurt one hair on my little soldier's head, then he's gonna have Mama Gary to deal with.

Troy:
You're an idiot. Satan's gonna kill you and your butt baby.

Gary Bunda:
Our butt baby.

Gary Bunda:
I hope it comes out my butt.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Dr. Mengle:
You are pregnant.

Gary Bunda:
How is that even possible?

Troy:
Satan turned into a snake and penetrated your butt, remember?

Dr. Mengle:
Half its DNA is a turd. It's penis is hard and sharp, like a roofing nail. Do you want to keep this monstrosity?

Troy:
No, no, we don't need to do that. We'll just scoop this guy out, dump him in the toilet, and call it a day.

Gary Bunda:
MY BODY, MY DECISION!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Gary Bunda:
Hey there, fellas. What's crack-a-lacking?

Eddie:
Oh, nothing. We're just hanging out, shooting the sh*t.

Gary Bunda:
Really?

Eddie:
Yeah.

Gary Bunda:
It seems like you guys are just out here talking about your yoga routines and just PURPOSELY EXCLUDING ME!

Dizzay:
Come on, Gary, it ain't like that, man.

Gary Bunda:
Really? How else are my feelings wrong? What, are you like the little conductor for my emotions, and I should feel how it is you think it's appropriate for me to feel?

Dizzay:
Okay.

Gary Bunda:
Well, maybe if there was a little bit more communication in this circle of "friends" that I thought I was a spoke of...

Eddie:
Shut up.

Gary Bunda:
Do any of you even like me for me?

Benji:
Gary? Gary, we like you. It's just, lately, you've just been acting like a...

Gary Bunda:
Like what?

Troy:
Like a little bitch.

Dizzay:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Gary Bunda:
I'M A BITCH?! [to Dizzay] YOU'RE A BITCH. [to Troy] YOU'RE A BITCH. [to Eddie] YOU'RE A BIG, FLOPPY, DUMB, WET BITCH! EVERY ONE OF YOU! [crying] I'm sorry. What am I? [Gary makes a wave gesture with his hand] I'm doing this.

Troy:
Yeah, a little bit.

Gary Bunda:
I don't know what's wrong -- [vomits on his employees]

Eddie:
Gary, are you okay?

Gary Bunda:
I think I'm fine. I just maybe --

Dizzay:
Whatever it is, you going like a mother.

Gary Bunda:
F*** you!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
25 days ago

Eddie:
In between scrotum gougings, I've been doing Pilates. I don't know if you've noticed. It helps with my flexibility.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Satan:
[chuckling] Oh, hey, guys. What's up, man?

Troy:
Hey.

Satan:
Great job yesterday, man. That Cheryl, she was feisty. I still cannot get her stink off of me. She was really nasty.

Satan:
Hey, listen, Gary, you do me a favor, take care of all that prenatal sh*t with Cheryl, 'cause I'd do it, but, you know...don't want to.

Troy:
[to Satan] And why should you?

Satan:
Yeah.

[Gary gives Satan a thumbs up while still being desperate about the sex incident]

Satan:
Cool. I got to jump. Teamwork makes the dream work.

[Satan leaves]

Troy:
[to Gary] You better tell him. He's gonna find out Cheryl isn't pregnant.

Gary Bunda:
Why don't you f***ing do something? You know? I got raped by a snake.

Troy:
I was there.

Gary Bunda:
Let's have a worse day competition.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

[after the impregnate incident Gary got caught in]

Troy:
Gary. [chuckling] Pretty crazy stuff, huh? Satan... [blows raspberry] ...going up your pants. Did he get all the way in? 'Cause I saw him come out of your mouth, so i just assumed...he went all the way through there.

Gary Bunda:
Seriously. Don't...want to talk about it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

[Satan turns into a snake]

Satan:
Alright. Let the impregnating begin.

Troy:
[to Cheryl] Okay, why don't you just hop over on all fours and wiggle that ass, okay, honey?

[Cheryl turns and moves her butt around]

Satan:
Hey, oh, I can't see. Point me towards the hoo-ha. I want some of that punani.

Gary Bunda:
I'm gonna light the candles.

[As Gary light the candles, Satan mistakenly crawled into Gary's butt instead]

Satan:
[referring to Cheryl] Give me some of that sugar-sugar. Look, I found a warm hole.

[As Satan went inside Gary's butt, Gary has a massive amount of farts, and making his body go wild while doing the impregnating]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Gary Bunda:
When do we use this crucifix filled with the semen of a thousand murderers?

Satan:
[laughing] Oh. Did you do that? [laughs]

[Gary flashbacks of what he does with the crucifix]

VC:
Thank you, Gary.

Gary Bunda:
Oh, you're really tossing some ropes there, V.C. You know what's weird is that I never really took you for a murder, though.

VC:
I screwed a guy on a land deal once, but that's about it.

Gary Bunda:
I said only murderers, V.C. NOW YOU SULLIED THE VIAL! Now I got to start over!

[Gary's flashback ends]

Satan:
How many guys?

Gary Bunda:
1,000.

Satan:
1,000. [laughs]

[Satan and Troy both laugh]

Troy:
That is...that's good! [laughs]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Gary Bunda:
So, um, what's gonna happen?

Troy:
Yeah, how's this work? I'm unclear, too.

Satan:
Uh, yeah, I'm going to enter her as a serpent. I'm gonna inject her with my venom, which contains my seed. It's uh... [chuckles] Stuff's pretty potent. I could impregnate a rock.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Satan:
Hey, how are you doing?

Cheryl:
Hi!

Satan:
Yeah, do me a favor. You open your robe?

Cheryl:
Uh, more?

Satan:
Yep. Lick your lips.

[Cheryl tries to lick his lips]

Satan:
Maybe touch yourself a bit.

[Cheryl touches herself but still trying to in an awkward way]

Satan:
Alright. We're here. Let's do it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Gary Bunda:
[to Satan] So, this is Cheryl. If she asks you, you're Lenny Kravitz, and we're shooting a music video.

Cheryl:
[to Satan] Oh, hi! I'm Cheryl.

Satan:
[to Gary] That's not the woman we talked about.

Gary Bunda:
Oh, yes, she is. Photoshop's crazy these days.

Satan:
Really?

Gary Bunda:
Yeah.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Troy:
Is that the mom from the yogurt ad?

Gary Bunda:
[refers to Satan's response for a supermodel] I couldn't get the underwear model.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Troy:
What's with the Mardi Gras beads? We don't need all this.

Gary Bunda:
This dirty, smelly cave was not sexy enough. I wanted it to be, like a nice. This kid's gonna be our boss one day.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Satan:
Revelation says I'm supposed to have a son in 2143 and that he'll bring about Armageddon, the second coming of Jesus, and I...I don't know, I'm just, uh...I think I'm ready now.

Satan:
Have my own son, you know? Hold him in my hands...look down into his black eyes.

Gary Bunda:
So who's the lucky lady?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

Satan:
You guys ever think about having a kid?

Gary Bunda:
No.

Troy:
Down here?

Gary Bunda:
Absolutely not.

Troy:
[to Satan] You out of your mind?

Gary Bunda:
[whimpering] Every day, no warmth, no hope.

Troy:
That'd be the worst thing I could ever do.

Gary Bunda:
[whimpering] Be surrounded by monsters.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
26 days ago

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