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Boss don't know spit, I mean he once took a packed lunch on a airplane.

Deadhead Miles (1973)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Dr. Mel Karmofsky:

I'm crazy about him...the way he laughs...the way he gets that little glint in his eye when he's about to say something clever. But you know what I love the most? It's like, there's all these things that he could be if he could just trust someone enough to help him unlock it all, and... If I could be that person -- you know, that safe person in his life? Well, the more I know him, the more I know that's all I want to be.

Frasier (1993)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Clay Kaczmarek:
What is a man but the sum of his memories? We are the stories we live! The tales we tell ourselves!

Assassin's Creed: Revelations (2011)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Calvin Gabriel:

You can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.

Zero Day (2003)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Andre Kriegman:
Who needs prozac when I got you?

Zero Day (2003)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Mattie:
You have not traded poorley.

Col. Stonehill:
Oh! Certainly not! I am paying you for a horse I do not possess, and have bought back a useless string of ponies which I cannot sell again.

True Grit (1969)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Col. Townsend:
I just received word a young girl fell head first into a 50 foot well on the Townsend road. I thought perhaps it was you.

Mattie Ross:
No, it was not I

True Grit (1969)

added by anonymous
8 months ago

Timon:
One more run and we'll change our lives!

Both:
Yaah! [they charge at buzzards as Timon pauses the movie]

Timon:
[narrating] Who knows why fate led us to little Simba that day. [freeze-frame showing Pumbaa carrying Simba] Maybe it was just my love of adventure... [freeze-frame showing Simba roaring scaring Timon] or my innate courage. [freeze-frames showing Simba licking Timon, and Simba looking down at Timon] My valiant and fearless way of... [mad] Okay, who's in charge of the freeze-frames?!? [stops at a freeze-frame with Timon screaming]

Pumbaa:
Sorry.

Timon:
Anywho, rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the *REALLY* scary part... [drama music] Parenthood.

The Lion King 1½ (2004)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Pumbaa:
I don't do so well in crowds. Maybe we better go around.

Timon:
Don't you know the shortest distance between me and my dream home is a straight line? Follow me! [as they walk through the crowds of animals] Make room, make room! Watch it, Twiggy! I'm walkin' here! [Pumbaa's stomach growls and he sits in a "emergency" position]

Pumbaa:
Ahem... Timon! There's something I gotta tell ya.

Timon:
Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. We'll have plenty time to chat once we settle in. [Pumbaa's stomach growls while walking again]

Pumbaa:
[panics] I could really use a rest stop. [turns back]

Timon:
Don't worry! You'll get your second wind. [Pumbaa's stomachs growls for a long moment]

Pumbaa:
[sweating] Ohh! I got a really bad *feeling*! [his eyes pop out big]

Timon:
It'll pass! Trust me! It'll pass. [pulls Pumbaa's tail which he let's out a massive fart. All the animals (including giraffes, elephants, and rhinos) start to faint]

Zebra #1:
Oh, look! The rhinos are bowing.

Zebra #2:
We better bow, too. [the rest of the animals start to bow as it shows a view with Rafiki, Mufasa, and Zazu]

Zazu:
Look, sire! How they're kneeling before the royal son.

Timon:
[shocked] So I guess that's your special, eh?! What a Weapon!

The Lion King 1½ (2004)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Pumbaa:
[adventure music playing in the background] Pride Rock!

Timon:
So majestic!

Pumbaa:
So powerful!

Timon:
So bizarrely named. [pauses the movie with his remote] Pumbaa, how can a rock be proud? It's a *rock*!

Pumbaa:
Well, I think it's because a pride is what they call a group of lions!

Timon:
Oh, sure, the lions get Pride Rock. And what about us meerkats?! Where I come from, we didn't have *NOTHING* to be proud of! Why... [clearing his throat; starts singing] When I was a young meerkat...

Pumbaa:
[also singing] When he was a young meerkat...! [his loud singing blows Timon off his movie chair]

Timon:
[off-screen] Very nice.

Pumbaa:
Thanks!

Timon:
[re-appearing on the movie chair] But maybe it would be safer if I just show them where I came from.

Pumbaa:
Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up?

Timon:
Yeah, Pumbaa, but it ain't pretty. [plays the movie; to the audience] Please remain seated while the camera is in motion. [the camera zooms fast back from Pride Rock to the Pit of Shame] Here we are. [a tumbleweed rolls by] From Pride Rock to the Pit of Shame. We're so low on the food chain, we're underground! But you don't have to take my word for it. I'll just let my fellow meerkats do the talking.

The Lion King 1½ (2004)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Ma:
Have you seen Timon?

Uncle Max:
No, I haven't, and what a day it has been. No fractures, no lacerations no concussions, contusions, or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, [laughing] there's no sign of Timon's handiwork anywhere! [the ceiling of the tunnel collapses; fuming] That would be... TIMON!!!!!

Timon:
[laughing nervously] Hey, everybody!

Meerkat #1:
Nice work, Timon.

Meerkat #2:
Way to go, tunnel klutz.

Meerkat #3:
Who else could break a hole?

Meerkat #4:
Four in one week a new record!

Ma:
Not again.

Timon:
What? It's called a "skylight"! [his "skylight" collapses; then Ma walks up smiling nervously]

Ma:
Ho-oh! Wow. Wasn't that creative? A skylight...! Oh. [chuckling nervously] I'll just have a word with him.

The Lion King 1½ (2004)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Running Buffalo:
Swell party, where's the whisky?

McLintock! (1963)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

The Shoveller:
The Shoveller is hammered!!

Mystery Men (1999)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

They said they wanted me to be on television "And give me money,and a person to braid my hair and comb my face and bring me clothes.

I'll Do Anything (1994)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Easy Wind:
Remember when you was a kid and you would spend the whole year waiting for summer vacation and when it finally came it would fly by just like that? It's funny, Jimmy, life has a way of flying by faster than any old summer vacation really fucking does.

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Jimmy:
Why are you doing this?

The man with the plan:
Because I got pressure sores Jim, they leak puss, now get on your knees.

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Captain K'nuckles:
In a world of peaches, my dear Johnny, don't ask for applesauce .

The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack (2008)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Computer voice:
John Spartan you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality code!

Demolition Man (1993)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Shaka Zulu:
A man who builds a road to heaven must travel alone.

Shaka Zulu: The Citadel (2001)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

A man who builds a road to the Heavens must travel alone.

Shaka Zulu (1986)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Vanessa Redgrave's mother to David Warner:
Ddon't judge people by your own values.

David Warner's return:
How terribly perceptive of you.

Morgan: A Suitable Case for Treatment (1966)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Catherine Sloper:
I will attend to that, it's for me....Bolt it, Maria. Bolt the door, Maria.

Heiress (1949)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Glenn Campbell (Lebourf) to Kim Darby (Mattie):
Well for starters I expect to marry well.

True Grit (1969)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

Col. Stonehill:
I do not entertain hypotheticals. The world itself is vexing enough.

True Grit (1969)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

We can all take a page out of Pissant's book.

Corky Romano (2001)

added by anonymous
9 months ago

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