| "I wouldn't BET the farm on it, but I'd BET the main house. I wouldn't even BET the outhouse on Mondale." »Richard Milhous Nixon |
| "In Louisiana we don't BET on football games ... We BET on whether a politician is going to be indicted or not." »Mark Duffy |
| "One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to BET you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not BET this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider." »Damon Runyon |
| "I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll BET I'd be darling at it." »Dorothy Parker |
| "You should never BET against anything in science at odds of more than about 10-12 to 1." »Ernest Rutherford |
| "I BET the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "An election is a BET on the future, not a popularity test of the past." »James Barrett Scotty Reston |
| "I BET one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I BET that's what REALLY throws you into a panic." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I BET you can really see it in those genitals." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I BET it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." »Child Age 13 |
| "I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I BET there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you make ships in a bottle, I BET the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, BETter try the emergency brake" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I BET you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I BET the most common question people would ask is, 'Can't you make it shoot farther' No. I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, 'Be sure, before I start, you have all the jewelry and so forth on the body, because I am NOT unwrapping him later.'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET you if I had met him Trotsky and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like." »Will Rogers |
| "If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I BET it makes beer shoot out your nose." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you were a gladiator in olden days, I BET the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I BET it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of 'bag.'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I BET it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I BET the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you were an ancient barbarian, I BET a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I BET you would get booed right off the stage. They're just not ready." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "If you had to list the different types of haircuts in order of how warm they kept the head, you'd probably put the flat-top down near the bottom. But you know, I BET it's surprisingly warm." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I BET a lot of high schools would pick 'Americans' as their mascot." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts |
| "We must have the courage to BET on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness." »Maxwell Maltz |
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