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"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary." »James Nicoll
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"Carter Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth" »Rush Hour
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"Our common language is ... English. And our common task is to ensure that our non-English-speaking children learn this common language." »William John Bennett
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"The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity." »Quentin Crisp
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"Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian." »H. L. Mencken
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"The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it." »James Agate
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"English is the easiest language to speak badly." »George Bernhard Shaw
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"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" »Ronald Reagan
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""Reality" is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes." »Unknown
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"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." »Robert Benchley
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"Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language." »H. Jackson Brown Jr.
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"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." »Doug Larson
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"The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it." »George Bernard Shaw
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"The two most beautiful words in the English language are ``check enclosed.'" »Dorothy Parker
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"Continental people have sex-lives the English have hot-water bottles." »George Mikes
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"All last year we tried to teach him English, and the only word he learned was million." »Tommy Lasorda, on pitcher Fernando Valenzuela
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"English is a funny language..... De(a)dication can lead you to all the success in Life" »Siddharth Astir
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"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." »Doug Larson
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"When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." »Oscar Wilde
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"I don't know why you use a fancy French word like dtente when there's a good English phrase for it-cold war." »Golda Meir
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"Me, we. (Supposedly the shortest quote in the English language delivered at a Harvard graduation.)" »Muhammad Ali
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"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life." »P. D. James
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"Contrary to popular belief, English women do not wear tweed nightgowns." »Hermione Gingold
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"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." »Oscar Wilde
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"Every English poet should master the rules of grammar before he attempts to bend or break them." »Robert Graves
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"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins commited in previous lives." »James Joyce
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"The English language has a deceptive air of simplicity so have some little frocks but they are both not the kind of thing you can run up in half an hour with a machine." »Dorothy L. Sayers
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"The American mind, unlike the English, is not formed by books, but, as Carl Sandburg once said to me, by newspapers and the Bible." »Van Wyck Brooks
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"There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares" »Mark Twain
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