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"Any Lady who is first Lady likes being first Lady. I don't care what they say, they like it." »Richard Milhous Nixon
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"A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture a little old Lady at the back of the room got up and said 'What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.' The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, 'What is the turtle standing on' 'You're very clever, young man, very clever,' said the little old Lady. 'But it's turtles all the way down.'" »Stephen William Hawking
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"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a Lady." »Wilson Mizner
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"A Lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." »Lillian Day
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"Being powerful is like being a Lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." »Margaret Hilda Thatcher
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"The Lady doth protest too much, methinks." »William Shakespeare
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"The opera isn't over till the fat Lady sings." »Dan Cook
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"A Lady is a woman who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman." »American Proverb
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"A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the Lady and through the nose of the gentleman." »Herbert Spencer
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"A hat should be taken off when you greet a Lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat." »P. J. O'Rourke
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"The person, be it gentleman or Lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid." »Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
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"The first Lady is, and always has been, an unpaid public servant elected by one person, her husband." »Claudia Alta Taylor Johnson
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"The First Lady is an unpaid public servant elected by one person --- her husband." »Lady Bird Johnson
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"Lady you bereft me of all words,
Only my blood speaks to you in my veins,
And there is such confusion in my powers." »William Shakespeare
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"Lady you berefit me of all words, Only my blood speaks to you in my veins, And there is such confusion in my powers." »William Shakespeare
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"Jive Lady Just hang loose blood. She gonna handa your rebound on the med side." »Airplane
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"Whenever I see an old Lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"The university's characteristic state may be summarized by the words of the Lady who said, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." »Hanna Holborn Gray
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"Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a Lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it." »Frank Muir
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"Thoughtfulness for others, generosity, modesty, and self-respect are the qualities which make a real gentleman or Lady." »Thomas Huxley
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"You may search my time-worn face, You'll find a merry eye that twinkles I am NOT an old Lady Just a little girl with wrinkles." »Edythe E. Bregnard
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"But when a young Lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way." »Jane Austen
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"I have heard with admiring submission the experience of the Lady who declared that the sense of being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquillity which religion is powerless to bestow." »Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"The memory of that scene for me is like a frame of film forever frozen at that moment the red carpet, the green lawn, the white house, the leaden sky. ... The new president and his first Lady." »Richard Milhous Nixon
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"While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your Lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife." »Baghdad Betty, Iraqi radio announcer, to gulf war troops
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"When a young man complains that a young Lady has no heart, it is a pretty certain sign that she has his." »George D. Prentice
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"Slater Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man when he come in the door, man she was a hip, hip, hip Lady, man." »Dazed and Confused
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"A Lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" »Jake Johanson
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"I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow Vikings and Lady Vikings." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"'Humph' grunted Mr. Romford, seeing his worst fears about to be realized. He had dreamt that he had timbled over a poodle in the drawing-room, and squirted a bottle of porter right into a lady's face. 'Who's goin' besides ourselves' asked Romford, wishing to know the worst at once. 'Better be killed than frightened to death,' thought he." »Robert Smith Surtees
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