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"I think a good way to get in a MOVIE is to show up where they're making the MOVIE, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head MOVIE guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the MOVIE.'" »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Trent I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 MOVIE everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R MOVIE, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay You're a bad man. You're a bad man. You're a bad man, bad man." »Swingers
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"I think a cute MOVIE idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the MOVIE from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Never say never, cause 'never' is like when the hero dies at the end of a MOVIE." »Zen diab
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"Never judge a book by its MOVIE." »J. W. Eagan
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"Although rumors persist to the contrary, there were no deaths while making the MOVIE Ben Hur." »Deane Jordan
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"I'm never going to be a MOVIE star. But then, in all probability, Liz Taylor is never going to teach first and second grade." »Mary J. Wilson
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"I'm not a real MOVIE star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago." »Will Rogers
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"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for MOVIE stars." »Fred Allen
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"The best date movies give you something to talk about. A MOVIE that's a downer is a great way to find out about someone." »Henry Adams
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"While you are away, MOVIE stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife." »Baghdad Betty, Iraqi radio announcer, to gulf war troops
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"I am an invisible man. No, I am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allan Poe; nor am I one of your Hollywood-movie ectoplasms. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me." »Ralph Ellison, "The Invisible Man"
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"If a million people see my MOVIE, I hope they see a million different movies." »Quentin Tarantino, Referring to the movie Pulp Fiction
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"I think a good MOVIE would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I think my favorite monster MOVIE is 'Gone With the Wind', because it has that ear monster and that big-dress monster." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"You think Nature is some Disney MOVIE Nature is a killer. Nature is a bitch. It's feeding time out there 24 hours a day, every step that you take is a gamble with death. If it isn't getting hit with lightning today, it's an earthquake tomorrow or some deer tick carrying Lime disease. Either way, you're ending up on the wrong end of the food chain." »Jeff Melvoin
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"I think a good scene in a MOVIE would be where one scientist tells another scientist, 'You know what will save the world You're holding it in your hand.' And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts. Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Marriage. Why do we do it Everybody knows the stats. One in two marriages end up in broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana. Is it loneliness Partly. Is it teamwork Definitely. Things just kind of go easier when there's two of you. One of you can wait in line at the MOVIE theater while the other guy parks the car. Get better seats that way. Better room rate when it's a double. Are you ready to file jointly...Above you is the sun and sky. Below you, the ground. Like the sun, your love should be constant, like the ground, solid." »Jed Seidel
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"Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know.' He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought 'This story isn't too long.' But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, 'Uh-oh, this story is getting long.' But then the story was over, and I said to myself 'You know, that story wasn't too long after all.' I forget what the story was about, but there was a good MOVIE on the plane. It was a little long, though." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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| BTW, Why won't you become an editor? |
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