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"I'm the only person of distinction who's ever had a depression named for him." »Herbert Clark Hoover
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"Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April." »Ralph Kiner
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"No greater nor more affectionate honor can be conferred on an American than to have a public school named after him." »Herbert Clark Hoover
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"Dr. Evil The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it." »Austin Powers International Man of Mystery
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"'Good luck, Mr President,' I said to him. 'As I told you when I named you, I know the country is going to be in good hands with you in the Oval Office.'" »Richard Milhous Nixon
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"I have a cat named Trash. In the current political climate it would seem that if I were trying to sell him (at least to a Computer Scientist), I would not stress that he is gentle to humans and is self-sufficient, living mostly on field mice. Rather, I would argue that he is object-oriented." »Roger King
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"All military type firearms are to be handed in immediately... The SS, SA and Stahlhelm give every respectable German man the opportunity of campaigning with them. Therefore anyone who does not belong to one of the above named organisations and who unjustifiably nevertheless keeps his weapon... must be regarded as an enemy of the national government." »SA Oberfuhrer of Bad Tolz, March, 1933.
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"If Today If you planted hope today In any hopeless heart If someone's burden was lighter Because you did your part, If you caused a laugh That chased some tears away If tonight your name is named When someone kneels to pray Then your day has been well spent." »Unknown
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"As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak she gave me a younger brother named Russel, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest." »Bill Cosby
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"The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name." »Tao Le Ching
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"The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal Name." »Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I will not go so far as to say that to construct a history of thought without profound study of the mathematical ideas of successive epochs is like omitting Hamlet from the play which is named after him. . . But it is certainly analogous to cutting out the part of Ophelia. This simile is singularly exact. For Ophelia is quite essential to the play, she is very charming-- and a little mad." »Alfred North Whitehead
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"As the evening sun faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"So. The time has come for me to get my kite flying, stretch out in the sun, kick off my shoes, and speak my piece. 'The days of struggle are over,' I should be able to say. 'I can look back now and tell myself I don't have a single regret.' But I do. Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. 'Harpo, my boy,' he said, 'I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember.' My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. 'Yes, sir' I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were." »Arthur Marx
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