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"Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"carter This is the United States of James carter here. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito" »Rush Hour
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"carter Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective carter. Do you speaka any English Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth" »Rush Hour
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"Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost." »Mort Sahl
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"carter Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man." »Rush Hour
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"carter This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer." »Rush Hour
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"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" »Art Buchwald
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"Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of stainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"carter My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too." »Rush Hour
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"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy carter loses his." »Ronald Reagan
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"History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents carter, Ford and Nixon-See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Evil." »Robert Joseph Bob Dole
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