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"If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Live.....Laugh.....golf" »Kathryn Schaefer Plaum
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"It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do." »Unknown
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"They say golf is not a contact sport. Not the way we play it." »Alice Cooper, BBC6 Radio, The Bruce Dickinson show
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"golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." »Jimmy Demaret
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"Foster golf club and cemetery - Only one stroke away from each other..." »David Helyar
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"golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life." »Charles Rosin
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"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf." »Will Rogers
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"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." »G.K. Chesterton
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"golf is like a love affair if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun. If you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." »Arnold Daly
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"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." »Hank Aaron
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"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." »Bob Hope
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"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has." »Will Rogers
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"Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"A golf course is the epitome of all that is transitory in the universe, a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible." »Jean Giraudoux
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"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it." »Bobby Jones
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"golf is a game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood." »Samuel Johnson
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"If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States." »H. L. Mencken
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"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf." »H.L. Mencken
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"Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either." »Jerry Coleman
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"golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort." »Stephen Leacock
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"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf." »Bertrand Russell
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"golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around." »Rick Reilly
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"golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose." »Winston Churchill
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"Happy golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass." »Happy Gilmore
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"And the wind shall say Here were decent godless people. Their only monument the asphalt road. And a thousand lost golf balls." »T. S. Eliot
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"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." »Dave Barry
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"There was a blithe certainty that came from first comprehending the full Einstein field equations, arabesques of Greek letters clinging tenuously to the page, a gossamer web. They seemed insubstantial when you first saw them, a string of squiggles. Yet to follow the delicate tensors as they contracted, as the superscripts paired with subscripts, collapsing mathematically into concrete classical entities-- potential; mass; forces vectoring in a curved geometry-- that was a sublime experience. The iron fist of the real, inside the velvet glove of airy mathematics." »Gregory Benford - Timescape
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"golf is very much like a love affair, if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart, but flirt with the possibility." »Louise Suggs
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