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"It looks as if it was put in by an Indian. (looking at an old-fashioned fuse box while on a factory tour near Edinburgh)" »Prince Phillip
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"If Shakespeare had to go on an author tour to promote
Romeo and Juliet
, he never would have written
Macbeth
." »Dr. Joyce Brothers
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"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." »J Danforth Quayle
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"John Johnson Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a bitch. And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or shiv, and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities. (short pause) This way to the cafeteria" »So I Married an Axe Murderer
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