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"If you let a bully come in your front yard, he'll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he'll rape your wife in your own bed. (On appeasement)" »Lyndon B. Johnson
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"You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests Just a big bag of blood." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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