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"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test? (to a driving instructor in Scotland)" »Prince Phillip
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"Oats. A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in scotland supports the people." »Samuel Johnson, A Dictionary of the English Language
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"Charlie You know, scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called F-You. It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground." »So I Married an Axe Murderer
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"If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it." »Truman Capote
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"If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it." »Fred Allen
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"We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it." »Dave Barry
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"He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot." »Unknown
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"If you let a bully come in your front yard, he'll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he'll rape your wife in your own bed. (On appeasement)" »Lyndon B. Johnson
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"I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick." »Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown." »H. Ross Perot
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"Metric is definitely communist. One monetary system, one language, one weight and measurement system, one world - all communist! We know the West was won by the inch, foot, yard, and mile." »Dean Krakel, Director of the National Cowboy Hall of Fame
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| New: We also know Zip Codes FYI! |
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